Whats Good? (AV & Narcist)

[AVARICE]

Destined from rubble, gin, cotton its
What got the fix for stomach rumbles
Some would stumble
Love was humbled, sun beat backs
Some bleed black
Some reach back while some just stumble
Cookies crumble but the dough it sticks
The road can get shaky, so we explored the gift
Of the future, made it destined to live
and that’s me, so I pass peace through pipes
to my chief, that’s right or through rap beats and mics
cuz no tsunami tide could storm out hope
they say the poor mans broke
but that’s just the poor mans joke
cuz the poor man knows the true sign of wealth
just check how I breathe in life, sigh and well
tell the beaten path that’s down with gravity
let the bad just sleep
give a dap, a peace and ask what’s good?

no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine
clatter from a mime like
penning with a feather in their time
getting in the line for eggs, a bowl of soup
gas masks robbing of the coop
loafer walking with a stoop
as they're running for their coupe
traversing through a loop,
fade away n flee the barbed wire
no floor gaspedal stuck inside the mire
onto a pyre path made of tires
leap into ulterior
where tires are inferior; to the yellow brick road
where mozes split dust and adam took an oath
judas spoke truth and allah summoned goats
noah's arc stood the flood, stating knowledge is the roots
but, for the simple-minded:
whats poppin', what's happenin', what's good?

replied to copy & sidewalk poetry

[Sidewalk Poetry]

Destined from rubble, gin, cotton its
What got the fix for stomach rumbles
Some would stumble
Love was humbled, sun beat backs
Some bleed black
Some reach back while some just stumble

^^that's fucking dope

Cookies crumble but the dough it sticks
The road can get shaky, so we explored the gift
Of the future, made it destined to live
and that’s me, so I pass peace through pipes
to my chief, that’s right or through rap beats and mics
cuz no tsunami tide could storm out hope
they say the poor mans broke
but that’s just the poor mans joke

^^imagery is tight , flow on point and well worded

cuz the poor man knows the true sign of wealth
just check how I breathe in life, sigh and well
tell the beaten path that’s down with gravity
let the bad just sleep
give a dap, a peace and ask what’s good?

^^that's real there , good emotion

no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine
clatter from a mime like
penning with a feather in their time

^^multies are tight

fade away n flee the barbed wire
no floor gaspedal stuck inside the mire
onto a pyre path made of tires
leap into ulterior
where tires are inferior; to the yellow brick road
where mozes split dust and adam took an oath
judas spoke truth and allah summoned goats
noah's arc stood the flood, stating knowledge is the roots
but, for the simple-minded:
whats poppin', what's happenin', what's good?

^^yo all of that is dope man

illness...content is brilliant in this piece with deep emotion and real good imagery.flow is on point from start to finish with a tight mix of multies thrown in.word choice is fucking raw in this without question and I can't see why anyone would give anything but positive feed on this drop...I was really feeling both verses , props y'all.
respect.

[JayNiac]

Some bleed black
Some reach back while some just stumble
Cookies crumble but the dough it sticks
The road can get shaky, so we explored the gift
^^
The Multies Were A Lil Off But The Imagery Was Sick In My Opinion
The Flow Was Raw... Could Catch It... Loved It.


cuz no tsunami tide could storm out hope
they say the poor mans broke
but that’s just the poor mans joke
cuz the poor man knows the true sign of wealth
just check how I breathe in life, sigh and well
^^
Sick... Enough Said.



no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine
clatter from a mime like
penning with a feather in their time
^^
Sort Sceme Well Put Together... Nice Opener To Get The Hype Back Into The Thing

Proceeds Reading...


fade away n flee the barbed wire
no floor gaspedal stuck inside the mire
onto a pyre path made of tires
leap into ulterior
where tires are inferior; to the yellow brick road
where mozes split dust and adam took an oath
^^
OH Shit
Last Bar Was Murder But Those That Go Before Were Nicely Written As Well



Overall This Was a Sick Piece

I m Glad To Booth Started To Cinder Again....


Return A Favor??

http://www.rapflava.com/forums/jay-f...ou-118157.html (Jay... Ft Archive - Keep A Writer With You)

Or

http://www.rapflava.com/forums/hush-...et-118366.html (Hush... Not Just Yet.) (diss)

[Rei Calif]

appreciated fellas.

up.

[Mistuh Grippz]

Yo this piece was soooo nasty, shit like this is the reason I get no work done when I'm high lol. Heres the breakdown..

1st Verse - Scheme was advanced but a lil rugged. Word choice and imagery stood out and were dope. Flow was there as well, overall very very solid verse.

Love was humbled, sun beat backs
Some bleed black
Some reach back while some just stumble

That was my favorite part on first verse.

2nd Verse - Second verse was fukkin INSANE with flow. Reading that in my head made butter feel like sand paper it was that smooth. Lyrics were deeper imo than first verse, and imagery was just as good.

no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine
clatter from a mime like
penning with a feather in their time

Shit was a sick way to open the verse. Ended nice as well.


Very dope collabo. Enjoyable read indeed. I'm assuming order was listed in parenthesis.

1

[Phade]

nice collab guys. Av seemed on a real laidback tip, in terms of the lyrics and the flow, like you were just kicking it and being yourself. I guess nothing that made me sit up and be like 'woah' like you do with some of your verses, but it fit in with the topic and feel of the piece perfectly.

Destined from rubble, gin, cotton its
What got the fix for stomach rumbles
Some would stumble
Love was humbled, sun beat backs
Some bleed black
Some reach back while some just stumble
^you done upped those rhyme schemes on the past month man, dope.

cuz the poor man knows the true sign of wealth
just check how I breathe in life, sigh and well
tell the beaten path that’s down with gravity
let the bad just sleep
give a dap, a peace and ask what’s good?
^really liked the ending and the thoughts you presented here.

Narcist I liked your thoughts but I kinda felt the way you transferred them into lyrics was a little disappointing. Just that there wasn't so many multis or interesting rhymeschemes happening and it kinda didn't keep it interesting and funky. I couldn't always catch the flow, but i realise that could be my fault not yours. But yeah, I'd say try work on saying stuff in a different way to just stating the obvious, maybe focussin a little more subtlety and a little more complexity at the same time would really help you improve.

no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine

started off strong, dope flow in this part too.
stay up fellas
pz

[Rei Calif]

thx man, ill be sure to keep it in mind and work on it; there's always room for improvement.

up.

[STRONGARM]

Originally Posted by AVARICE

and that’s me, so I pass peace through pipes
to my chief, that’s right or through rap beats and mics
cuz no tsunami tide could storm out hope
they say the poor mans broke
but that’s just the poor mans joke
cuz the poor man knows the true sign of wealth
just check how I breathe in life, sigh and well
tell the beaten path that’s down with gravity

Originally Posted by Narcist

no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine
clatter from a mime like
penning with a feather in their time

I liked how both verses weren't completely different from one another, they meshed well together. The only part I didn't like was the ending you chose Narcist.. just seemed out of place with the rest of your piece "whats poppin', what's happenin', what's good?" too upbeat and comical. I would have prefered you just mimic AV and use his ending word for word or with a slight variation.. wouldv'e have completed the mesh. I think you two fit well together in this piece. Not much in the way of what I personally like, but I can appreciate the writing. Good job..!

[Rei Calif]

werd. 'appreciate it.

up.

[Vulgar]

AVARICE - What a relaxed, diluted light source with a state of understanding derived from the rhythm. Served with milk, coffee, blood, or contaminated rain water? While you enliven, Narcist animates.

"they say the poor mans broke
but that’s just the poor mans joke
cuz the poor man knows"

You know that I know that this was truth. No strenuous efforts - the effect is there.

Narcist - The rhyme scheme was held back by the nature of limitations, yet the spiritual beacon of image and idea remains. What's goodness? The traffic at daybreak. The promise of a new tomorrow with you guys, as Phade would say, "Rippin' it up" in the open mic section.

noah's arc stood the flood, stating knowledge is the roots
^I would change "roots" to "root." Singularity is key.

Check out the SSC competitions if you have time. Thanks.

Keep doing you

[Vick Slate]

Destined from rubble, gin, cotton its
What got the fix for stomach rumbles
Some would stumble
Love was humbled, sun beat backs
Some bleed black
Some reach back while some just stumble
..imagery is lovely

different type of AV in these collabs you doing, still laid back aproach though, just minus on flow.....lyrics are good and i like your creativity with your imagery!


no psyche above substance
just matter over mind
shatter of the line
grandfathers gathered in the mine
clatter from a mime like
penning with a feather in their time
..your start is very well put together too!

flow is there, lyrics are cool with the imagery

both styles came together as one in this piece, more poetry type than open mic (rap) material
liked your starts better tahn the middle parts, n felt you both ended your verses correctly

good collab!

[impolite]

The road can get shaky, so we explored the gift
Of the future, made it destined to live
and that’s me, so I pass peace through pipes
to my chief, that’s right or through rap beats and mics
cuz no tsunami tide could storm out hope
they say the poor mans broke
but that’s just the poor mans joke
cuz the poor man knows the true sign of wealth
just check how I breathe in life, sigh and well
tell the beaten path that’s down with gravity
let the bad just sleep
give a dap, a peace and ask what’s good?

brilliantly casual.


fade away n flee the barbed wire
no floor gaspedal stuck inside the mire
onto a pyre path made of tires
leap into ulterior
where tires are inferior; to the yellow brick road
where mozes split dust and adam took an oath
judas spoke truth and allah summoned goats
noah's arc stood the flood, stating knowledge is the roots
but, for the simple-minded:
whats poppin', what's happenin', what's good?

flow was off and on but this excerpt is dope as hell.



you guys nailed this. the second verse had a choppy flow from time to time but the lines in both made up for it completely. hit me up for a collab, id be real interested. this blew me away. great topic.