Week6 Topical Belt:(( Legend)) vs. Pembroke vs. 7th Cresent

[Plot]

10-15 bars due Monday,
please check & match yur opponent.
Topics by Veracious: Being blind & caught in a blizzard

[7th Crescent]

checkin in...nice topic...should be interesting..looking forward to see Legend's and Pembroke's verses

[Kaeo.Seru]

wow

Pem still hasnt checked in?
oh well i wrote a verse anyway
i took the more figurative approach

I once had, but now I can't see
lost my direction, but where's my plan B
see now I got a problem and I won't lie
my life is revolving around the girl Snow White
I'm wound so tight. stuck in her firm grip
bound to a wife I've been loving since first sniff
I remember our first fight, she landed the first hit
call it my first flight, she gave me my first lift
I thought nothing of it, naw I aint worry
refused glasses even after things became blurry
lanes became hurried, I was picking up speed
blowing snow like the wind, yes, addicted indeed
I saw myself winning but the picture was freezed
the next frame held a mirror and the victim in me
but I couldn't see. See this image is strong,
of the blizzard alone... Yea, my vision was gone


During my Snow White courting, we met in an orgy
but a still born child is all the bitch bore me
one weekend sneak binge was hindered by cops
after my release the temperature dropped
reeaal fast... I thought it was a phase
so I wasn't fazed. I figured it pass
whipping my ass. I never dreaded her fists
a fiend for violence I was begging for Hits
beatings would end with my brain numb
couldn't see where I was going or where that I came from
really I cared none. I found it was so great
that the world dissappeared once surounded by snow flakes
I saw myself winning but the picture was freezed
so I never saw the mirror with the victim in me
No, I can't see. yet the image is strong
of the blizzard alone. Yes, My vision is gone..........

[7th Crescent]

im postin tonite..before 12..aight

it all started simple enuff..
they loaded all of us on to a big ass buss..
some began to cuss you know making a fuss..
ghetto chaperones screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP"..
it was a school trip..they were taking us skiing..
"what the..."..taking the school for the blind now there a site worth seeing..
i have been blind since the tender age of two..
guess i wouldnt go to sleep so my mom tried crazy glue..
bad move..anywhoo i have done alot since then..
ehanced my other senses..sounds becoming my friends..
i could smell it was snowing, from what i sensed pretty bad..
it seemed mother nature was giving us all she had..
after a two hour drive we made it to the cabin..
I went to bathroom drank some water and popped a tab of acid..
if i was going to be here i was going to be fucked..
the staff thinks were retarded so they wont notice me acting up..
as it starts kicking in..i start being able to see..
i can see everything so crystal around me...
i make my way to the door ..i want to see outside..
this is the first time i have seen trees..i started to cry..
as the tears formed in my eyes they instantly froze
as tried clear them away....the tip of my finger broke..
i start screaming and laughin, laughin and crying..but there is no pain..
what the hell is going on..is this all in my brain...
am i going insane.. deafing winds...leaving me numb..
3 senses impaired...if i dont get help..man im done..
I start screaming and laughin at the top of my lungs..all i vain..
HEEELLLLP!!!!i kept.. trying... slowly dying but eduring the pain
What I wouldnt do for some greens and chicken gizzards..
not only was I blind, im retarded..what was i thinking trippin in a blizzard...

to be continued

[Pembroke]

I Am the Blizzard


By the luck of the Irish, Marcus Hayes worked in the roughest environments
Father of 7 hungry children, winter coal mine labor, yet he still under provided
The loving inside of him kept his pick axe lumbered in silence.
On an underground mining job with his companions Gunter and Midas
Steaming coal debris fell into his face and erupted his eyelids, fucked up the iris.
BLACKNESS.
Then came the thunder of sirens, to hospital supplement vitamins.
His right eye was removed, leaving a gash as a scar
And his left eye was blinded, he rejoiced that he lasted this far...
IN DARKNESS.
Many years had passed since his sight was taken away
Marcus spent his days in his family's cottage bitterly wasting away
Days thinking back on how coal extraction led to sight extraction
He decided to take his life by decisive action
And FIGHT THE BLACKNESS.
Marcus requested to his children, now grown, who were patient in his time
To transport him to Ireland's Foundation for the Blind..
Marcus guided himself through the hallway, retrieved his coat and stick
Leaving this world of dark dimensions, regret, coal and bricks.
The AFFTB welcomed his bodily form as a global training center
With sound guiding classes that improved his 4 remaining senses
Time elapsed in peaceful blackness, Marcus went out for a stroll
Along the sidewalk for the blind that surrounded the cold
He basked in the winter solstice, snowflakes fell upon his shoulders
But his feet could no longer feel the path as the air became colder
All the blind patients were called into the building as windspeed increased
The evening stroll had led Marcus into the winter season's reach
Marcus flailed for the pathway, fell to the snow, and louder it poured
The walking stick flew out of his hands and out into the storm
Fierce, chilling winds blew through the deciduous forest
He clung to a frosting treebark as the blizzard was soaring
Beyond his ears, his eyesight, one second dreaming..
FROZEN EARDRUMS.
A supervisor discovered Marcus trapped beneath the snowy specs of ether
Now doomed to dwell the Earth as a deafened creature..



"To truly see is to be blind."

Sorry I'm late, again. Nice verses to both, will comment later.

[PhorShadow]

hmm...

Legend: typical legend...dope flow, cool lines, great wording...only thing i wasnt fealing was the lack of creaticity on the aproach you took..it was a big let down for me honestly..still an above-average drop...

7th Creasent: site worth seeing line was complete dopeness..i loved your flow..story-line was on...it was dope...u didnt really take a creative aproach either..still, shit was ILL! i under-estimated you.

Pembroke: your story line was sick...ur aproach was original..good flow..nothing i can complain about, honestly...

vote: pembroke

[Kaeo.Seru]

lack of creativity? are you serious? so because i took the topic figuratively instead of Litterally it was un-creative? If you dont understand it dont vote. period

[7th Crescent]

nice drop here to both..I have to agree w/you Legend your verse was mad creative.t.i did my best to hang in there but i definitely lacked creativity, out of anyone here..on some real shit i was the opening act for yout two's battle..LMAO...but hopefully i made somwhat of a showing...im stilling learning this topical thang..smell me..lol

nice battle..ya'll...ill be around..too early for a titleshot...next time tho.. the requiem will play..

and some one said hip-hop- is dead..blasphemy..

[Byrdie]

Legend....I felt u were creativity wit it....and the lil story was tite....flow was cool
vocab and eternal rhymin was hittin for me

7th....that was eghh ok wasnt really that deep for me...didnt move me or take me ne where it just kinda tickled me u know...i felt u could have gon alot deeper wit that piece

Pem.....it didnt catch me from the start but it picked towards the middle and some of the end
but the story was nice real nice......felt u tried to hard at the beginning and i guess that wat messed it up for me


All in all this was a nice battle decent from everyone....
battle was lacking in parts but had its strong points

Due to the fact his piece had me from beginning to the end

My Vote goes to legend/aeo

Nice battle...stay up and do u

[Pembroke]

Originally Posted by 7th Crescent

nice drop here to both..I have to agree w/you Legend your verse was mad creative.t.i did my best to hang in there but i definitely lacked creativity, out of anyone here..on some real shit i was the opening act for yout two's battle..LMAO...but hopefully i made somwhat of a showing...im stilling learning this topical thang..smell me..lol

nice battle..ya'll...ill be around..too early for a titleshot...next time tho.. the requiem will play..

and some one said hip-hop- is dead..blasphemy..

Hey, I appreciate that, 7th, but you should definitely not sign out of the topical league, I like you're writing a lot. Keep doing it..

Thanks for the votes, that's 1-1 me and Jackson. Any elite voters around?

[Noggah]

Good morning/afternoon/evening gentlemen...



Now shall we get into the nitty gritty....




|aeo|



first off...

the topic = Being blind & caught in a blizzard


lol... and i dont have the slightest clue as to how you came up with this whole other scenario for the story....but that shit was tight... you really kept it strong throughout the whole piece, which was nicely done....and one of my favorite things was that little hook you had in there at the end of both sections...i could hear this as an audio track with a bangin beat on it.... and though you kept it topical, it was also doin its own thing...


Verse Breakdown:



I once had, but now I can't see
lost my direction, but where's my plan B

this was a nice little intro

see now I got a problem and I won't lie
my life is revolving around the girl Snow White

nicely intertwined the metaphor...

I'm wound so tight. stuck in her firm grip
bound to a wife I've been loving since first sniff

good description and wording....

I remember our first fight, she landed the first hit
call it my first flight, she gave me my first lift

good background...

I thought nothing of it, naw I aint worry
refused glasses even after things became blurry

eh... a little corny... but deals with the topic...

lanes became hurried, I was picking up speed
blowing snow like the wind, yes, addicted indeed

this is coo...

I saw myself winning but the picture was freezed
the next frame held a mirror and the victim in me

this woulda been better with the glasses line.... or putting the glasses line after the other one... kinda mixes up the background and keepin the continuity...

but I couldn't see. See this image is strong,
of the blizzard alone... Yea, my vision was gone

nice end to part one...


During my Snow White courting, we met in an orgy
but a still born child is all the bitch bore me

you talkin crazy shit here...

one weekend sneak binge was hindered by cops
after my release the temperature dropped
reeaal fast... I thought it was a phase
so I wasn't fazed. I figured it pass

this was nice right here....

whipping my ass. I never dreaded her fists
a fiend for violence I was begging for Hits

really heated it up right here...

beatings would end with my brain numb
couldn't see where I was going or where that I came from

keepin the heat...

really I cared none. I found it was so great
that the world dissappeared once surounded by snow flakes

this was coo, maybe a little better wording...

I saw myself winning but the picture was freezed
so I never saw the mirror with the victim in me
No, I can't see. yet the image is strong
of the blizzard alone. Yes, My vision is gone..........

strong finish...

really had a top notch quality verse right here for the triple threat... minor flaws...nothing bad stood out... stayed consistant throughout the whole verse...i wish your lines were a little longer... lol... but thats just because i have them long ass lines and Pem does that shit... and then yours are like half that... lol...





7th Crescent

you had a pretty strong showing....and can be proud of yourself for inserting quality work into a battle of this caliber....i was mildly impressed, but impressed none the less... you had an interesting idea with the acid... but as you will see, i think something better could have been done with the scenario... you had good descriptors... but your wording on them could've probably made this entire piece stronger throughout... you had some pretty humerous shit...a couple of your lines had me laughin... as far as multies and rhyme aeo and Pem basically murdered you... so you might want to try and polish those up...

Verse Breakdown:


it all started simple enuff..
they loaded all of us on to a big ass buss..

shaky opener... it all started simple is cliche in topical...

some began to cuss you know making a fuss..
ghetto chaperones screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP"..

lol...

it was a school trip..they were taking us skiing..
"what the..."..taking the school for the blind now there a site worth seeing..

this was a nice bar right here...little cheesy flip but the wording made it straight...

i have been blind since the tender age of two..
guess i wouldnt go to sleep so my mom tried crazy glue..

lol...

bad move..anywhoo i have done alot since then..
ehanced my other senses..sounds becoming my friends..

nice little storytelling....

i could smell it was snowing, from what i sensed pretty bad..
it seemed mother nature was giving us all she had..

maybe touch woulda been a better sense to go with on this one... second line is a decent image but weak description...

after a two hour drive we made it to the cabin..
I went to bathroom drank some water and popped a tab of acid..

my first inclination was what is acid gonna do for him if he cant see anything???? i think it would be pointless... but you kinda cover it up nicely with the next couple lines.... and at a second glance...its pretty funny to think about a blind dude tripping...

if i was going to be here i was going to be fucked..
the staff thinks were retarded so they wont notice me acting up..

eh... covering up last bar...

as it starts kicking in..i start being able to see..
i can see everything so crystal around me...
i make my way to the door ..i want to see outside..
this is the first time i have seen trees..i started to cry..
as the tears formed in my eyes they instantly froze
as tried clear them away....the tip of my finger broke..

this is good description shit right here...but i feel you couldve taken a better route then a blind dude tripping on acid...

i start screaming and laughin, laughin and crying..but there is no pain..
what the hell is going on..is this all in my brain...

a nice little bar here...

am i going insane.. deafing winds...leaving me numb..
3 senses impaired...if i dont get help..man im done..

this is real strong... topical wise...

I start screaming and laughin at the top of my lungs..all i vain..
HEEELLLLP!!!!i kept.. trying... slowly dying but eduring the pain

thats fucked up... lol...

What I wouldnt do for some greens and chicken gizzards..
not only was I blind, im retarded..what was i thinking trippin in a blizzard...

lol... this is a nice closer...

you kind of kept it simple all the way through in my opinion... as far as the wording, vocab, and rhyme scheme go... creativity was good... even tho i didnt really think the acid idea flies... it was pretty creative and you did your thing with it




Pembroke

Lol...i dont know where you get these names from... but they are great...i really liked the thing you did here with the words in all caps... maybe could have changed the last one... cause it doesnt really fit in with the rest of the all caps group... you really had a complete verse...and always seem to spend the perfect amount of bars on different parts of the subject matter... great descriptions lie ahead...


Verse Breakdown:



I Am the Blizzard

^^wtf...lol...crazy ass

By the luck of the Irish, Marcus Hayes worked in the roughest environments
Father of 7 hungry children, winter coal mine labor, yet he still under provided

strong opener with background...i dont like that yet in the second line... different wording maybe...

The loving inside of him kept his pick axe lumbered in silence.
On an underground mining job with his companions Gunter and Midas
Steaming coal debris fell into his face and erupted his eyelids, fucked up the iris.
BLACKNESS.
Then came the thunder of sirens, to hospital supplement vitamins.

nice rhyme scheme...good story telling and descriptions... also nice addition with BLACKNESS.


His right eye was removed, leaving a gash as a scar
And his left eye was blinded, he rejoiced that he lasted this far...
IN DARKNESS.

this is nice imagery right here...some nasty shit though...

Many years had passed since his sight was taken away
Marcus spent his days in his family's cottage bitterly wasting away

nice time advance...

Days thinking back on how coal extraction led to sight extraction
He decided to take his life by decisive action
And FIGHT THE BLACKNESS.

lol...these caps are great...

Marcus requested to his children, now grown, who were patient in his time
To transport him to Ireland's Foundation for the Blind..

lol... great everything...

Marcus guided himself through the hallway, retrieved his coat and stick
Leaving this world of dark dimensions, regret, coal and bricks.

this was nice... but you said cottage... so bricks is off some... but great imagery...

The AFFTB welcomed his bodily form as a global training center
With sound guiding classes that improved his 4 remaining senses

flow is off...

Time elapsed in peaceful blackness, Marcus went out for a stroll
Along the sidewalk for the blind that surrounded the cold

lol...

He basked in the winter solstice, snowflakes fell upon his shoulders
But his feet could no longer feel the path as the air became colder

numbness im guessing??? strong story telling and images right here...

All the blind patients were called into the building as windspeed increased
The evening stroll had led Marcus into the winter season's reach

nice second line...

Marcus flailed for the pathway, fell to the snow, and louder it poured
The walking stick flew out of his hands and out into the storm

lol...thats just a funny image to me...

Fierce, chilling winds blew through the deciduous forest
He clung to a frosting treebark as the blizzard was soaring

wow...i dont think i have heard the word deciduous since like 7th grade science....lol....nice bar....

Beyond his ears, his eyesight, one second dreaming..
FROZEN EARDRUMS.
A supervisor discovered Marcus trapped beneath the snowy specs of ether
Now doomed to dwell the Earth as a deafened creature..

ending was a little abrupt... but a nice twist to story...

"To truly see is to be blind."

^^that is true...


you had some great descriptive lines weaving images into my mind and your story telling is still as good as anyone can get....stayed pretty strong throughout the whole story... had some great multies... maybe could have used a couple more metaphors.... messed up in one or two spots but a great verse...





OVERALL BATTLE

well, when it comes down to voting... its really between Pembroke and Legend... so sorry 7th, im gonna have to leave you out of this...nice showing tho...

Metaphors -

Legend - hell, his whole verse was one big metaphor... he used it differently over and over again throughout the story...

Descriptions and Imagery -

Pembroke - both had quality but Pem slightly edged him out with quantity... got nicely in depth, just barely gets this one...

Storytelling -

Tie... both ya'll just killed this aspect... both had a strong background and lead ins... both stories were lead wonderfully from beginning to end...and the wording was good...

Flow and Rhyme -

gotta give this one a tie too... there were tiny little slip ups and forced shit... but both were great here too...

Handling the Topic/ Creativity -

Legend - this was hard because Pem handled the topic and made it his bitch... the sad thing was it was expected... even though you put your Pembroke touches on it, what Legend did with the topic was not entirely expected... both were overflowing with creativity... Pems verse was thick with it... and Legend did a good job of keeping up his metaphor....


this was close as fuck... but when it comes down to it... i gotta go with Legend... maybe hes got something with the whole "keep it short and sweet"... Pem really had a great showing...but was just undercut by legend in this battle... if noones earned a spot at the title shot for next week id have to say rematch... great battle by all...

[Plot]

I thought Legend came real dope on this with the cocaine flip, Pem & 7th both came nice but with nothing as completely outta the left field like Legend did.
V-Legend

3-1