W9 Topical 2: Ruck vs. ((7th Cresent))

[Plot]

10-15 bars due on Monday,
deadline for check-ins in Friday.
Please show, match & vote.

Topic: Dissappearing Act

[7th Crescent]

very interesting topic...checking in..

[Ruck]

yehoauf

[7th Crescent]

The Great Disappearing Act of Mankind


I live in silence, death my sweet science..
No rest, souls left, with each breath I seek clients..
From young men who retreat to street violence.
To a young little girl seeking her daddies love..
Requiem sirens heard from the heavens above..
As I steal a mothers fetus just because of the blood..
I’ve devirginized thugs with a stiff dick in the ..
But….I didn’t give fuck, all in their shit like what..
I turn life into a death sentence, with no repentance , trust..
I am the reapers bounty hunter..hope u have protection..
I attack with out direction..at best, the perfect weapon..
If I get u in my grasp there is no second guessing..
I am the lethal injection in this death profession..
Murder with no aggression is effective non-detection..
I have challenged many.. and i have yet to be defeated..
Some thought they were invincible while the smart ones retreated..
Holy men have pleaded, Spanish woman rosary beaded..
Have tried to save them, their prayers no longer needed..
I turn atheists into believers, addicts into preachers..
Tragedies into features, humans to frail creatures..
Ruck if I ever meet u, one thing will be clear..
Like the rest I spoke of before, your end will be near..
It will not be quick, you will not like it..
All you will here is Gabriel singing softly “shhhh be quiet..
I am the greatest magician the world will ever see..
I make all I touch disappear, not Houdini..
They call me….
H-I-V…..

[Ruck]

5.35pm Monday

You Guessed It
my arms are heavy and teeth feel squirmish
self titled the greatest and i know i deserve it
tired of the same old rap shit business
so before i rhyme i grit gums and grimace
next day, rang up the local bars and clubs
the clubs were cool but the bars said no to thugs
"whats your act?" had to think quick, a title?
"ima dissapear and hypon that with recitle"
laughing matter?, i was prepared to shread
my mind was nervous so i was early to bed

8.27pm Tuesday

"Your Up Kid"
grabbed a wooden stool, dropped it flat
i was already sweating under my arms back
put my
main prop on the stool and looked at the crowd
wondering...
if they would snap out of laughter and look at me now
weird faces and i heard mumurs from the back
they didnt care and werent concerned for my act
grabbed the mic and told them to listen here
"ayo everyone it is time for me to dissapear"
audience silenced...i spat my shit and finished
no applause,
got head shakes from blacks and looks from spanish
one dude yelled out "arnt you ment to vanish?"
owner must of got my act twisted and misconstrewed
dissapear? well i was up on stage dissin fruit
i thought i was ill, my rap career i was preparin em
shit i must be in a room full of vegitarians
people threw bottles and they just missed my hair
what a rough crowd, i knew i shouldnt of dissed a pear

-------------------
*note not edited or re read at all
quick shit cause im fucked and not feeling too well.
and ima spaz the fuck out if someone says my shit aint original.

[Byrdie]

vote 7th

he simply came nicer....
wordin was nice
and all that

Ruck u just put something up there
and like u said u wasnt feelin it
so thats the reason for my vote

nuff said

[1/2 Wit It]

7th Crescent;

I live in silence, death my sweet science..
No rest, souls left, with each breath I seek clients..
From young men who retreat to street violence.

I'm loving the way you opened the verse..these three lines flowed smoothly - very nice.

I have challenged many.. and i have yet to be defeated..
Some thought they were invincible while the smart ones retreated..
Holy men have pleaded, Spanish woman rosary beaded..
Have tried to save them, their prayers no longer needed..

in this section, you got your message across so cleanly, yet it was still complex..this section might be my favorite.

It will not be quick, you will not like it..
All you will here is Gabriel singing softly “shhhh be quiet..
I am the greatest magician the world will ever see..
I make all I touch disappear, not Houdini..
They call me….
H-I-V…..

This ending was a little simple..also a tad predictable..i think it could have been doper if the wording was a bit sharper..it seemed like you were dumbing it down towards the end, almost as if you were just rushing to get it out..decent closer

Overall; I felt like this verse had its ups and downs..but i also believe that it had great potential to be an excellent verse if you would have smoothed out certain areas in there..first of all, you started off pretty hot with those first three lines..as it got to the midway section, the wording wasn't as smooth..although you did have those two hot bars in the middle of your verse, i felt the other lines around it weren't near as effective..and then at the end you started to kinda slack off altogether..wording started to become a bit basic, concepts weren't as creative, and it just seemed like you rushed to spit the ending out..all in all i felt this verse was pretty decent..but could have been way better.

Ruck;

my arms are heavy and teeth feel squirmish
self titled the greatest and i know i deserve it
tired of the same old rap shit business
so before i rhyme i grit gums and grimace

The opener was pretty cool, although i felt it could have been more effective with better wording..but the second two lines in this little section were pretty nice..especially that last one..for some reason i like how you put that series of words together..first two lines need a little reworking though.

main prop on the stool and looked at the crowd
wondering...
if they would snap out of laughter and look at me now
weird faces and i heard mumurs from the back
they didnt care and werent concerned for my act

this was pretty nice..probaly the most solid section of your entire verse..i was impressed with this..

got head shakes from blacks and looks from spanish
one dude yelled out "arnt you ment to vanish?"
owner must of got my act twisted and misconstrewed
dissapear? well i was up on stage dissin fruit

this section was pretty humorous..but it also gave away the ending in a way..once i read this section i already knew how the closer would turn out..this wasn't bad at all though, - i thought it was pretty damn creative.

i thought i was ill, my rap career i was preparin em
shit i must be in a room full of vegitarians
people threw bottles and they just missed my hair
what a rough crowd, i knew i shouldnt of dissed a pear

this last set of lines wasn't bad at all..but i felt like you should have put a few touches on the wording..like in those first two lines, i don't like how "preparin em" rhymes with "vegitarians"..i think if you would have spent more time on this verse you could have thought of something that rhymed better with "vegitarians"..

Overall; I felt this verse was pretty cool..and i feel like you're learning to be consistent with your topical drops..thats good work. but i also wish that you would have spent more time on this, so that it would have turned out a little better..the wording was the main factor, because it was a little rough in certain areas, while it was pretty cool in others..your closer was very creative, although it was also predictable

Overall Vote; Well, once again this decision is pretty tough..Ruck is starting to have the most entertaining topical battles in the RFBL in my eyes, lol. but anyways, it's hard to choose between the guy who started his verse off hot, and began to slack towards the end..or the guy who started off kinda slow, but then began to turn it up at the end..hmm, in this one i think i'm gonna favor the guy who started off slow, but turned it up a notch when it counted most..and thats Ruck..both had creative closers, but the way that Ruck put his out there smoothly, impressed me more than the way that 7th seemed to just rush his..good battle, i'm voting Ruck.

[Ruck]

wrd 1-1

even though byrdies vote was non explained.

[Ruck]

some votes?

[Noggah]

this was a real close battle... i got mixed feelings on both verses...

7th - you came out real nice, real nice descriptions... good vocab, the flow was pretty good too even though it was a little odd... i think you had a couple lines that werent near as strong...and some lines that were just real nice and couldnt of been done better... as far as the concept and creativity you were a little above average...

Verse Breakdown -

I live in silence, death my sweet science..
No rest, souls left, with each breath I seek clients..
From young men who retreat to street violence.

^just a real hot opener... those first two lines were just sick...

To a young little girl seeking her daddies love..
Requiem sirens heard from the heavens above..
As I steal a mothers fetus just because of the blood..

this slacked off just a little... first line doesnt really add anything to your overall endpoint...

I’ve devirginized thugs with a stiff dick in the ..
But….I didn’t give fuck, all in their shit like what..
I turn life into a death sentence, with no repentance , trust..

when i first saw this... i was like WTF... thats fuckin gay... but now that ive read the whole thing... this was pretty funny and a nice little add on... last line was nice...

I am the reapers bounty hunter..hope u have protection..
I attack with out direction..at best, the perfect weapon..

pretty strong here...

If I get u in my grasp there is no second guessing..
I am the lethal injection in this death profession..
Murder with no aggression is effective non-detection..

good descriptions... but kinda repeating yourself...

I have challenged many.. and i have yet to be defeated..
Some thought they were invincible while the smart ones retreated..

first line is nice... invincible part was nice... but i dont know how smart ones could retreat from HIV... doesnt make sense...

Holy men have pleaded, Spanish woman rosary beaded..
Have tried to save them, their prayers no longer needed..

not strong not weak...

I turn atheists into believers, addicts into preachers..
Tragedies into features, humans to frail creatures..

nice...

Ruck if I ever meet u, one thing will be clear..
Like the rest I spoke of before, your end will be near..

could've attacked ruck better than this in this verse with how you took it...

It will not be quick, you will not like it..
All you will here is Gabriel singing softly “shhhh be quiet..

first line blah, second one nice...

I am the greatest magician the world will ever see..
I make all I touch disappear, not Houdini..
They call me….
H-I-V…..

pretty decent closing...

Overall - you had good descriptions... a couple lines really stood out... started off hot, middle was coolin down a little... and trailed off some at the end... like i said the creativity was there... i wasnt in awe but you held my attention...good showing...




Ruck - you always put me in the damn story... whatever you write about i feel like im either there or can clearly see what would happen and how shit would go down...seemed to go with short but sweet... story telling was pretty nice... at first i didnt know where you were going with this shit... but surprised me with the ending... it was a little corny... but somehow it struck my fancy... the problem is... your shit wasnt original... calm down Ruck... im just kidding...

Verse Breakdown -

5.35pm Monday

You Guessed It
my arms are heavy and teeth feel squirmish
self titled the greatest and i know i deserve it

i didnt guess it... slight attention grabber...

tired of the same old rap shit business
so before i rhyme i grit gums and grimace

ok...

next day, rang up the local bars and clubs
the clubs were cool but the bars said no to thugs

rewording...

"whats your act?" had to think quick, a title?
"ima dissapear and hypon that with recitle"

iight...

laughing matter?, i was prepared to shread
my mind was nervous so i was early to bed

alright little opening segment... some of it seemed like a waste tho... you coulda done better than this...

8.27pm Tuesday

"Your Up Kid"
grabbed a wooden stool, dropped it flat
i was already sweating under my arms back

wording is off...good descriptors tho...

put my
main prop on the stool and looked at the crowd
wondering...
if they would snap out of laughter and look at me now

iight... more in the mentality and description...

weird faces and i heard mumurs from the back
they didnt care and werent concerned for my act

heatin up...

grabbed the mic and told them to listen here
"ayo everyone it is time for me to dissapear"

iight...

audience silenced...i spat my shit and finished
no applause,
got head shakes from blacks and looks from spanish
one dude yelled out "arnt you ment to vanish?"

lol @ you having a heckler in your topical...

owner must of got my act twisted and misconstrewed
dissapear? well i was up on stage dissin fruit

lol... good shit right here...

i thought i was ill, my rap career i was preparin em
shit i must be in a room full of vegitarians

lol... this was real nice...

people threw bottles and they just missed my hair
what a rough crowd, i knew i shouldnt of dissed a pear

strong finisher... kept everything real short and concise...

Overall - your strongest points were your description and imagery... you probably coulda done a lot better than this... and i wish you would... cause im sure u could just blow most people out of the water if you actually tried and spent time on shit... i think i have the same problem tho... i just try to do the least amount possible to win...




THE BATTLE

well... like i said... this shit was pretty close... as far as a breakdown in categories...creativity - 7th had more creative lines... but i feel like rucks overall concept was more creative...the rhymes were both pretty close... neither really had outstanding flow or multies... storytelling definately goes to Ruck... 7th didnt really have a story format per say... metaphor inclusion goes to 7th, cause he had some lines killin it with those... imagery was pretty close as well, but i think Ruck might of pulled that off... Ruck started off real slow but got hot.... 7th started off hot n got slow... i feel like 7th was hotter for just a little bit longer though...so sorry Ruck... but im gonna have to go with 7th on this one... you both were pretty even with the different strengths... i think he was just a little bit more consistant... and the metaphors made his verse a little more technical than your imagery did...

Vote = 7th

[Plot]

2-1 7ths up

[Ruck]

props

[flip_azn]

lol

[Pembroke]

7th Crescent - The first three lines were the best I've seen from you.. your verse was graciously written and conceptual, both characteristics meeting my expectations in your topicals. You had each category down, but down with only enough weight. The rhyme scheme was fair after the beginning bars until the end, and this is because you were getting in touch with the emotional side of your approach, which caused it to be decent for what it was. Provable, concise, and light on expression. Another well done performance from you.. looking forward to seeing you go all out one of these days.

I turn life into a death sentence, with no repentance , trust..
I am the reapers bounty hunter..hope u have protection..
^Loved this bar.

Ruck - Something is preventing your verses from have the full impact that they deserve to make on the reader delving into a new world. Everything about your style is controlled, but put together quickly, without proofreading or second thought to "what if?" or adaptable change. Your verse was lively, it took me 4 bars to know what was going on, because I felt the diction was hinting at rejection occuring for the main character, a rapper/magician merged with your personality. Getting boo'ed off stage is a cool topic.. it's interesting to see how one would portray that on a rap site.. mainly because it's something we all wouldn't want to experience, something that would damage our unbreakable armor. The ending wordplay was somewhat clever and gave the verse a jolt, but I think that 7th won this due to a simpler, more direct topical idea.

v/ 7th Crescent

I like reading both of your verses every week..

Stay up, guys.

[DAM]

I actually totally agree with Noggah & Pem on this one. Although, at first I felt Ruck's closer was a little corny, I read it again & laughed & it took my liking. It was very creative & not something I think anyone writing to that topic would have thought of. Which gave him points for that. As far as the verses tho, 7th had a lil more technicality in his verse, I was enjoying reading his verse & prolly one of the better verses I seen from him. However, Ruck's storytelling was great as well. This was verrrrrrrrrrry close, but I feel 7th got this by a hair...Dope match tho...