Topical Belt: ((Pembroke)) vs. Xylo

[STRONGARM]

12 Bars Due Friday 09/12/08. Vote on other Battles..!


TOPIC: “Look What I Found”

[Pembroke]

Metro cards

[Xylo]

Lo and behold!!!!!!!!!


Existence of a perplexing find down plays a spectacular sunrise
Shattering night’s guise sanctity ever breaching within all lives
An opened crevasse releasing octopi larvae shielded from eagle eyes
As the freshness of a breeze arrives kaleidoscopic hewn dew a rise
And to the butter cups and daffodils surprise petals of color lift towards the sky
A small hobbit joyfully surmises it’s ok to play in the surf as the tide subsides
Wondering where and why the ocean recedes at certain times removing the slime
Polishing off shells leaving pebbles in sand extremely emboldened with a certain shine
Sea urchins dressed in tuxedos dine off krill that becomes intertwined in their gill tines
Conch shells echo fantastic tunes as harmonious vibes reverberate in side
Hand built sand castles in which will hide mother of pearls beaded neck ties
haphazardly a hard shelled Limulus polyphemus emerge from the dusk
Created from the semen of an octopus a hybrid source which startled us
Tentacles wiggled denticled membrane cups grasping to keep the suction up
Gently wrapped around his forearm warm not abrupt yet sticky to the touch
The hobbit lifted His free arm skyward as it was not bound
and with a half joyous chuckle Exclaimed “look what I just found”



Xylo

[Pembroke]

The Lord of the Crabs

He descended through the sea, breathing through a crevice in his cheek
Content in the belief that he was invincible from his pennant to his teeth
No messages unsheathed, it would remain a legend of the deep
Until this creature was beseeched and found tethered to the beach
Predecessors of machines indulged in red lobsters in steam
They spoonfed marvelous scenes of false knowledge.. the headproctor would beam
At the might of his hand he could bring unholy waves
Extinguish life from the land as his mask of sanity would lie in the sand
Sundried octopuses on his shoulders, dreads mired in strands
Whoever washed my brain will pay... with the blade of Obsidian
With the rage of oblivion he exiled himself and then he grazed the Caribbean
For any sign or ray of hope that he could cheat death
Knowing he couldn't eat flesh without getting the urchin scales of his knees wet
But also knowing that if he could seek sex he could birth his heir
Who'd be immune to sun exposure and it's accursed stare
Emerged with a nervous glare.. looked around for human prospects
A female to pass on my seed so I can resume my conquest
Her mammaries embraced him and his memories enhanced it
Be damned, all enemies to the city of Atlantis
The crustacean's mask removed.. he labored past the plumes
Had the naval mass entombed as the age of wrath ensued
Centuries later he moved to Bikini bottom and became a grumpy lad
And that's the story of the Krusty Krab..

[Exis]

Xy:

Existence of a perplexing find down plays a spectacular sunrise

^^aight nice...


Shattering night’s guise sanctity ever breaching within all lives
An opened crevasse releasing octopi larvae shielded from eagle eyes

^^tis ok , wordin' is chea though...

As the freshness of a breeze arrives kaleidoscopic hewn dew a rise
And to the butter cups and daffodils surprise petals of color lift towards the sky

^^again , first line seems forced...second is tight...

A small hobbit joyfully surmises it’s ok to play in the surf as the tide subsides
haphazardly a hard shelled Limulus polyphemus emerge from the dusk
Created from the semen of an octopus a hybrid source which startled us

^^see I like this also , what you tryna say comes across muddled though...probably the wrong word but shit.

aight I like alot here , some things really are just ehhh though...I know we family but you remain one of the most frustratin' people to feed...you have all this potential and it's like you never add on to where I seen you last...your wordin' honestly pisses me off at times..I think your gonna deliver sumthin' dope and am let down either by the way you say shit or how it's executed which in the main is not good...you set up mad deliveries and fall short way too often for my likin'...I actually thought this was hot but the way you dropped it seems Idk yo...I get it just hate how it's described fa real...average for you and above it for others.

Pem:

He descended through the sea, breathing through a crevice in his cheek
Content in the belief that he was invincible from his pennant to his teeth

^^believe it or not I don't like this at all , seems simple and like you was forced to write it...


Predecessors of machines indulged in red lobsters in steam
They spoonfed marvelous scenes of false knowledge.. the headproctor would beam

^^nice bar...

At the might of his hand he could bring unholy waves
Extinguish life from the land as his mask of sanity would lie in the sand
Sundried octopuses on his shoulders, dreads mired in strands
Whoever washed my brain will pay... with the blade of Obsidian
With the rage of oblivion he exiled himself and then he grazed the Caribbean

^^content is good and I like the scheme...

Emerged with a nervous glare.. looked around for human prospects
A female to pass on my seed so I can resume my conquest

^^dope...

The crustacean's mask removed.. he labored past the plumes
Had the naval mass entombed as the age of wrath ensued
Centuries later he moved to Bikini bottom and became a grumpy lad
And that's the story of the Krusty Krab..

^^lol , multies are hot no doubt...

flow wise I feel this , material is not the strongest from you but it works...content is ill in some parts and pretty cool in others.Thought your word usage was good and imagery was better than Xylo's...some lines I felt were filler but it's on topic and there alot more consistency in your verse than his...nice drop in all honesty.

vote - Pembroke...just thought his shit was more impressive and enjoyable.

...stay up my friends.

[FranchisE]

GREAT battle..
first and foremost..shit kinda gives me a little insperation...
and a bar to shoot for as far as these topicals are concerned..
both had a good layout as far as there perspective on the topic..
both used some decent vocab and rhyme ideas...i liked BOTH...

ok as for the breakdowns of each verse...

Existence of a perplexing find down plays a spectacular sunrise
Shattering night’s guise sanctity ever breaching within all lives
An opened crevasse releasing octopi larvae shielded from eagle eyes
As the freshness of a breeze arrives kaleidoscopic hewn dew a rise
And to the butter cups and daffodils surprise petals of color lift towards the sky
A small hobbit joyfully surmises it’s ok to play in the surf as the tide subsides

GOOD...but not great...i feel like ya bars are a little streched..
not that u forced anything..but u cant possibley say this to a beat...
it would be just as impressive..without some things...less is more i guess..

haphazardly a hard shelled Limulus polyphemus emerge from the dusk
Created from the semen of an octopus a hybrid source which startled us
Tentacles wiggled denticled membrane cups grasping to keep the suction up
Gently wrapped around his forearm warm not abrupt yet sticky to the touch
The hobbit lifted His free arm skyward as it was not bound
and with a half joyous chuckle Exclaimed “look what I just found”

see..the difference...this shit can be flowed..and its disriptive...
gives a picture...and the end line was sick...i liked it...
kinda sumed shit up good...like when the hobbit held the ring up like..
look what i found....shit was clever....

PEM....

He descended through the sea, breathing through a crevice in his cheek
Content in the belief that he was invincible from his pennant to his teeth
No messages unsheathed, it would remain a legend of the deep
Until this creature was beseeched and found tethered to the beach

i liked this start...not to complex...but still had complexity...
if that makes sense to you...but i liked it...made me wanna read more..

Whoever washed my brain will pay... with the blade of Obsidian
With the rage of oblivion he exiled himself and then he grazed the Caribbean
For any sign or ray of hope that he could cheat death
Knowing he couldn't eat flesh without getting the urchin scales of his knees wet

shit was nice....sick flow...just liked it....

Emerged with a nervous glare.. looked around for human prospects
A female to pass on my seed so I can resume my conquest
Her mammaries embraced him and his memories enhanced it
Be damned, all enemies to the city of Atlantis

this shit was fuckin dope...woulda made for a nice ass end line..
more importantly because i feel like the end wasnt impressive....
krusty crab?...c'mon after all that...this is the end...i was upset..
but shits nice..

overall i would have to say that with verses of this
calibur..really wasnt any losers or weak points..jsut who
came more total...more entertainment...
and as for those aspects..i feel like xylo..u coulda came just as hard
without all the stretches...wasnt like..it was ruined..it just woulda ben
solid as shit...with a little less....i feel anyways....
pembroke was on the same level with less said it seemed..
and it was dope thru and thru..even tho the end wasnt really too solid...
in that right i would say that xylo took the battle of the finisher...
but as for the war of the topical battle....gotta go with PEMBROKE..by a few hairs

[STRONGARM]

2 - 0 Pem..

[R.D.]

Existence of a perplexing find down plays a spectacular sunrise
Shattering night’s guise sanctity ever breaching within all lives
An opened crevasse releasing octopi larvae shielded from eagle eyes
As the freshness of a breeze arrives kaleidoscopic hewn dew a rise

cool imagery here man very descriptive and really decent flow

And to the butter cups and daffodils surprise petals of color lift towards the sky
A small hobbit joyfully surmises it’s ok to play in the surf as the tide subsides

i dont know why but i like that, very poetic.

Wondering where and why the ocean recedes at certain times removing the slime
Polishing off shells leaving pebbles in sand extremely emboldened with a certain shine
Sea urchins dressed in tuxedos dine off krill that becomes intertwined in their gill tines
Conch shells echo fantastic tunes as harmonious vibes reverberate in side

nice.. you are using the metaphor and imagery approach and it works.. truly, it also does have a flow that insists on itself

Hand built sand castles in which will hide mother of pearls beaded neck ties

i seperated this because again i just really like what it said and what it could mean.. very open

haphazardly a hard shelled Limulus polyphemus emerge from the dusk
Created from the semen of an octopus a hybrid source which startled us
Tentacles wiggled denticled membrane cups grasping to keep the suction up
Gently wrapped around his forearm warm not abrupt yet sticky to the touch

flow worked here and again using the same equation as the rest of the verse

The hobbit lifted His free arm skyward as it was not bound
and with a half joyous chuckle Exclaimed “look what I just found”

nice closer but could have been more.. i like the idea but you had shit tons of metaphors and imagery and then you kind of just trail off



He descended through the sea, breathing through a crevice in his cheek
Content in the belief that he was invincible from his pennant to his teeth

nice opening, flow check, imagery check, fun check

No messages unsheathed, it would remain a legend of the deep
Until this creature was beseeched and found tethered to the beach
Predecessors of machines indulged in red lobsters in steam
They spoonfed marvelous scenes of false knowledge.. the headproctor would beam

the wording is insane.. you kind of tried an interesting approach..

At the might of his hand he could bring unholy waves

sick image man seriously

Extinguish life from the land as his mask of sanity would lie in the sand
Sundried octopuses on his shoulders, dreads mired in strands
Whoever washed my brain will pay... with the blade of Obsidian
With the rage of oblivion he exiled himself and then he grazed the Caribbean

awesome wording throught these 4 here.. love the third line

For any sign or ray of hope that he could cheat death
Knowing he couldn't eat flesh without getting the urchin scales of his knees wet
But also knowing that if he could seek sex he could birth his heir
Who'd be immune to sun exposure and it's accursed stare

i think you said something about your drop being weak.. im not seeing it though.. you are using creative imagery through weird ideas and concepts

Emerged with a nervous glare.. looked around for human prospects
A female to pass on my seed so I can resume my conquest

lol.. word

Her mammaries embraced him and his memories enhanced it
Be damned, all enemies to the city of Atlantis
The crustacean's mask removed.. he labored past the plumes
Had the naval mass entombed as the age of wrath ensued

word.. continuous brilliance

Centuries later he moved to Bikini bottom and became a grumpy lad
And that's the story of the Krusty Krab..

lmfao.. word.. you are fuckin insane

you guys both chose a similar approach meta's and imagery but pem had a different element.. interesting handle on the topic.. overall just enjoyed it a little more..

great job guys DC!.. one of the better battles i got to read this week

v. Pem!

[STRONGARM]

3 - 0 KO.. Pembroke Wins..!