Topical Belt: Kaeo.Seru vs Pembroke ((Pembroke Wins))

[HellRazor]

12 Bars Due Friday (Extensions Granted Upon Request til 08/16). Vote on other Battles..!

[Pembroke]

Freefall omega has come..

[Kaeo.Seru]

*sigh*

[Pembroke]

Freefall Omega

In the darkness there were wisping green auroras in the warmth of night
The northern lights illuminating the masses.. shadowing the corpse of life
As we'd known it and embraced the end, couldn't face the sins
Of why the descending white funnel was at our maker's whim
We defaced our friends, kids were cremated by disease laiden winds
Then to the sea's wake, it went in it's ashen mount
Everything in existence had come crashing down.. all I could do was start lashing out
Grab my wife and children and start seeking shelter from the steaming embers
Lost amongst the dying leaves and tremors, it felt like Zion breathed December
Civilization fell.. the tyrant's knees had trembled by the fire sheathed ensemble
Imagine the flight of the bumblebees played to the sound of tumbling trees
I just sunk to my knees from the rumble beneath..
Above the ruined cityscape was the tunneling beast laying rubble to streets
Falling debris whistled by my ears in a rippled, violent sphere
This was it, the time is near.. so I gathered my breath for my last attempt
I ran with my family across the quaking scaffold.. but they died on the collapsing bridge
Is this what mankind has amassed to Him, is this what the vastness is?
The future was ravenous so I grabbed the fifth.. couldn't slash my wrists
Gazed up for one last time and prepared my mind for the after shift
THE CHAPTER LIVES..
I wait at the bottom awaiting the autumn..
Another human body in the fray decaying from the gradient carbon

[STRONGARM]

Kaeo.Seru's Verse:


Baby moms trippin and I don't know the problem
Try to talkin out but the words keep dodgin
Wanna think through it but my brain keeps throbbin
Feelin mighty puzzeled and I just can't solve it
And it seems fights occur when my sight is blurred
By the love that I held in the light for her
Brightness lurks In search of a sign for sure
Show me a burning bush, ignight this herb
And I might deserve, the scars of course
Since Karma is a bitch that is hard to court
Bizarre in force she strikes when least expected
hoovering cloud of darkness cloaked in beast conceptions
And she's connected to past discretions
Learn fast a lesson or be the least protected
Evictions from the heart when the lease is neglected
In Justice to the soul police protested
Mood swings portrayed by the brooding forecast
Of a scorn lover, Katrina, discovered a war path
The whore laughs while reigning in pours
Better her form
Devasting. Leavin me to wether her storm

[King M.C]

i have to vote pem in this one. it seems his was more thought out than kaeo
which made a better story. kaeo verse was more staight to the point and had
better flow but thats bout it..

MY FAVORITES

PEMBROKE'S
Grab my wife and children and start seeking shelter from the steaming embers
Lost amongst the dying leaves and tremors, it felt like Zion breathed December
Civilization fell.. the tyrant's knees had trembled by the fire sheathed ensemble
^DOPE

KAEO'S
And it seems fights occur when my sight is blurred
By the love that I held in the light for her
Brightness lurks In search of a sign for sure
Show me a burning bush, ignight this herb
^VERY NICE

very good battle.. no flaws i really notice from either of you.
accept i thoUght pem structure could have been better
and kaoe could have lighten up on the flow and took the
reader to more than he did.

V+PEM

[Criticize]

up. dont have time to vote atm, should be able to do it at class @ uni tommorow.

[Jay-Rede]

Pem, very descriptive, almost like i was in the plot of the story.. flow was decent, complex writing, very good approach, nice structure..

Legend, also a decent approach, felt you went more for flow and rhyming though rather than the topic itself, nice verse.. its battles like this that make the league..

v. Pem, for the description and the complexity..

great battle guys

[1/2 Wit It]

Pembroke;

In the darkness there were wisping green auroras in the warmth of night
The northern lights illuminating the masses.. shadowing the corpse of life
As we'd known it and embraced the end, couldn't face the sins
Of why the descending white funnel was at our maker's whim
We defaced our friends, kids were cremated by disease laiden winds

The wording in this entire section was impressive..Everything comes together nicely and flows smoothly.

Grab my wife and children and start seeking shelter from the steaming embers
Lost amongst the dying leaves and tremors, it felt like Zion breathed December

Great imagery..

Falling debris whistled by my ears in a rippled, violent sphere
This was it, the time is near.. so I gathered my breath for my last attempt
I ran with my family across the quaking scaffold.. but they died on the collapsing bridge

Once again, the imagery shines..But in the last line, I felt that the family dying may have been alittle to abupt..

Is this what mankind has amassed to Him, is this what the vastness is?
The future was ravenous so I grabbed the fifth.. couldn't slash my wrists
Gazed up for one last time and prepared my mind for the after shift
THE CHAPTER LIVES..
I wait at the bottom awaiting the autumn..
Another human body in the fray decaying from the gradient carbon

Was loving this section until the last two lines..Just don't like the way it rhymes..

Overall; your verse had great imagery, although I felt you struggled with a few things..Like, the multies..They were nice for the most part but in certain areas I think you may have tried to force the issue..Anyhow, not much else to say about this drop. I enjoyed reading it..

Kaeo.Seru;

Baby moms trippin and I don't know the problem
Try to talkin out but the words keep dodgin
Wanna think through it but my brain keeps throbbin
Feelin mighty puzzeled and I just can't solve it

Ehh, alittle too simple..decent opener imo.

And it seems fights occur when my sight is blurred
By the love that I held in the light for her
Brightness lurks In search of a sign for sure
Show me a burning bush, ignight this herb
And I might deserve, the scars of course
Since Karma is a bitch that is hard to court

Nice execution..And it was done effortlessly.

Bizarre in force she strikes when least expected
hoovering cloud of darkness cloaked in beast conceptions
And she's connected to past discretions
Learn fast a lesson or be the least protected

The third line here makes the scheme extremely clever..

Mood swings portrayed by the brooding forecast
Of a scorn lover, Katrina, discovered a war path
The whore laughs while reigning in pours
Better her form
Devasting. Leavin me to wether her storm

Proper ending sir..

Overall; I felt your verse may have been slightly rushed..At first it felt like you weren't putting any effort into it..But as I read on you began to pick up the pace and display your writing skill with nicely executed concepts and consistent flow, as always..Not much imagery though..And I feel like the whole Katrina twist is alittle played..But your verse was impressive nonetheless.

Vote - Pem..I feel he put more effort into his piece than Kaeo. Both had inconsistencies so it made my decision rather hard..But after reading each, Pem's left the greater impression on me..with his vivid imagery as well as multiple syllable rhyming..Kaeo dominated in the smoothness/flow department..but I felt Pem had the more gripping story. Great work from both. And props to you guys for showing. Sorry for the delayed vote. Peace

[tha titan]

look this was a very nice battle i dug both verses pem for his coplex storry telling
and k for the nice flow and consistency
but i have to vote pem because his verse is what kept me interested and in think when you can have a great story to be told u can comprimise flow just a little bit to make ya story more inn depth and heart felt


so vote pem

[Xylo]

I have to give this to Pem his verse was possibly one of his best short verses hes ever done and he seemed veeery serious in his discriptors and over all word usage and his multies were not overbearing but just enough. i also enjoyed his momentum changes and the end of each bar.

Pem you really taught me something in our contest .

Kaeo i`m sorry fam but you seemed to just put up a verse to keep from no -showing it was almost like you sadi F-it i just post something! But we all know Legend is better that that Version of Kaeo so i give ya a pass on this one.

Over all for one of the best short verse ive read in a while my vote goes to

Pem (he`s kickin asses and takin #s )

[Criticize]

In the darkness there were wisping green auroras in the warmth of night
The northern lights illuminating the masses.. shadowing the corpse of life
As we'd known it and embraced the end, couldn't face the sins
Of why the descending white funnel was at our maker's whim


I just sunk to my knees from the rumble beneath..
Above the ruined cityscape was the tunneling beast laying rubble to streets
Falling debris
The future was ravenous so I grabbed the fifth.. couldn't slash my wrists
Gazed up for one last time and prepared my mind for the after shift
THE CHAPTER LIVES..

__________________

Baby moms trippin and I don't know the problem
Try to talkin out but the words keep dodgin

And it seems fights occur when my sight is blurred
By the love that I held in the light for her


Bizarre in force she strikes when least expected
hoovering cloud of darkness cloaked in beast conceptions
And she's connected to past discretions
Learn fast a lesson or be the least protected
Evictions from the heart when the lease is neglected
In Justice to the soul police protested
__________________-


looks like this is done, so just quoted my fav bars from both of you. good verses yall.

[R.D.]

In the darkness there were wisping green auroras in the warmth of night
The northern lights illuminating the masses.. shadowing the corpse of life

Then to the sea's wake, it went in it's ashen mount
Everything in existence had come crashing down.. all I could do was start lashing out
Grab my wife and children and start seeking shelter from the steaming embers
Lost amongst the dying leaves and tremors, it felt like Zion breathed December

This was it, the time is near.. so I gathered my breath for my last attempt
I ran with my family across the quaking scaffold.. but they died on the collapsing bridge
Is this what mankind has amassed to Him, is this what the vastness is?
The future was ravenous so I grabbed the fifth.. couldn't slash my wrists
Gazed up for one last time and prepared my mind for the after shift

I wait at the bottom awaiting the autumn..
Another human body in the fray decaying from the gradient carbon

the entire verse was worth breaking down or quoting but i grabbed the parts that were different from usual reads upon the board.. imagery was done well and if i hadnt see the pic i could almost come up with that same pic.. wording was the special part cause it wasn't typical words im used to seeing.. overall you just came with a fresh verse nice read

And it seems fights occur when my sight is blurred
By the love that I held in the light for her
Brightness lurks In search of a sign for sure
Show me a burning bush, ignight this herb
And I might deserve, the scars of course
Since Karma is a bitch that is hard to court

Learn fast a lesson or be the least protected
Evictions from the heart when the lease is neglected

those last two lines are my favorite part of both verse actually i don't know was just a cool way of saying your hearts broke or some one left i don't know just was dope.. your flow as usual could not be breached.. verse was dope overall but didn't have the same content pem did.. still nicely done

im not gonna vote cause im pretty sure there is already a winner but wanted to leave some feed

[Pembroke]

Good battle, KO.






Just playin witcha..

Good battle, Kaeo

[HellRazor]

Pem wins K.O....seems as though I won't be unifying the TOpical and OPEN MIC Belts after all ;(