Topical #1 Stockholm(0-0) vs Veracious(0-0)

[Con]

10

sign ins due thur., verses due Sat at 11:59.

on a noshow deal, u need to post a bar or two..no exceptions!

READ THE RULES ON TOP OF THE THREAD BEFORE U PROCEED WITH THIS.



Topic: crime and punishment

[Monstrosity]

im here

[Stockholm]

A punishment, In the setting of 21st century Jurassic Park or forest.
Its In first person point of view, but I think I'll switch Into third person.
This Is what I have so far, but I'll finish the rest of this tommorow I
am stuck with tons of sports and some school work.

[Intro]
I've finalized, so you aren't a survivor without the Immunity
You've wrapped band-aids, so welcome to the community

[Verse]
I'd give those snake bites, and give you first degree burns
Keep talking, and I'll make you an owl so your head turns
I'll tear In your marrow, Give It to children for a boomarang
It'll never return, as for those Itches I used with your fangs
your muscles for hamsters still won't generate their wheel
Turning colours? So I'll switch skins orange to flesh peels
*Style Switch*

[Criticize]

mon asked me to post his shit at the due time, so ive got it
Mons Verse


*edit* just seen youve posted your unfinished shit? wtf!
will post mon's shit on the due hour.

[Veracious]

well since he didnt show with the full verse and crit didnt drop mine heres mine so iim not dq.d


..Crime Pays, But Not Enough..

it started off wit just a few of us chillin in our spot
then some dares came testing how much balls we got
dared to steal five of us left wit four at our heels
imagined as fun till glass broke then it became real
i was the last to come out, fuckin last to run down
-the street an suddenly i meet cops wit they guns out
tellin me to drop the boxes filled with jewelry an watches
and i can see my homies in the bushes lookin cautious
i grew nautious, released the goods an hit the ground
searched,cuffed then lifted up i took my last look around [5]
annoyed by the sound of the sirens as we drive away
scared as fuck, i finally closed my eyes and prayed
reached the station constantly asked for identification
answering the same questions im fed up wit being patient
gotta bad attitude, askd the cop for the hat he removed
he said it was in the pile of evidence they had to go threw
sat in the jail cell, met a cool dude an we just hangd out
wishing i was out wit my homies smoking away brain cells
i heard the door open hopin it wasnt who i thought it was
then stared in disapointment as i see my friends in cuffs [10]

[Malil]

it started off wit just a few of us chillin in our spot
then some dares came testing how much balls we got
dared to steal five of us left wit four at our heels
imagined as fun till glass broke then it became real
i was the last to come out, fuckin last to run down
-the street an suddenly i meet cops wit they guns out
tellin me to drop the boxes filled with jewelry an watches
and i can see my homies in the bushes lookin cautious
i grew nautious, released the goods an hit the ground
searched,cuffed then lifted up i took my last look around [5]
annoyed by the sound of the sirens as we drive away
scared as fuck, i finally closed my eyes and prayed
reached the station constantly asked for identification
answering the same questions im fed up wit being patient
gotta bad attitude, askd the cop for the hat he removed
he said it was in the pile of evidence they had to go threw
sat in the jail cell, met a cool dude an we just hangd out
wishing i was out wit my homies smoking away brain cells
i heard the door open hopin it wasnt who i thought it was
then stared in disapointment as i see my friends in cuffs [10]

i liked that .. stock for some reason thought this was a battle and didnt stay on topic so i vote....Veracious

[DaVe E BuRnOuT]

Intro]
I've finalized, so you aren't a survivor without the Immunity
You've wrapped band-aids, so welcome to the community..hmm

[Verse]
I'd give those snake bites, and give you first degree burns
Keep talking, and I'll make you an owl so your head turns
I'll tear In your marrow, Give It to children for a boomarang
It'll never return, as for those Itches I used with your fangs
your muscles for hamsters still won't generate their wheel
Turning colours? So I'll switch skins orange to flesh peels
*Style Switch*

this wasn't bad...shit was kinda dope..but i don't see crime n punishment...i see it might be a crime n u inflict punishments...nice drop..i just don't think u hit the topic on the head


it started off wit just a few of us chillin in our spot
then some dares came testing how much balls we got
dared to steal five of us left wit four at our heels
imagined as fun till glass broke then it became real
i was the last to come out, fuckin last to run down
-the street an suddenly i meet cops wit they guns out..

.nice flow from first bar down..can tell its leading up to somethen

tellin me to drop the boxes filled with jewelry an watches
and i can see my homies in the bushes lookin cautious
i grew nautious, released the goods an hit the ground
searched,cuffed then lifted up i took my last look around [5]lol
annoyed by the sound of the sirens as we drive away
scared as fuck, i finally closed my eyes and prayed..nice
reached the station constantly asked for identification
answering the same questions im fed up wit being patient
gotta bad attitude, askd the cop for the hat he removed..
he said it was in the pile of evidence they had to go threw..lol word
sat in the jail cell, met a cool dude an we just hangd out.
wishing i was out wit my homies smoking away brain cells..thats how i felt..lol
i heard the door open hopin it wasnt who i thought it was
then stared in disapointment as i see my friends in cuffs [10]word nice ending


nice read son....shit was on topic word...good shit..n nice story..fosho

vote veracious

[Criticize]

yea i dunno what stock thought this was, a topical battle. NO its just a topical piece of writing so your verse wasnt really relevant and therefore didnt stay on topic and yea cant judge it.
ver you verse was cool, nothing really great but u stayed on topic and drop a decent piece a few bars didnt rhyme tho, and a cpl of meta4s in there woulda been good. u had some cool multis in 1 or 2 bars, but youve got room for improvment so just keep sharpening your skills

vote- ver

pz