The Struggle

[Phade]

fed vulgar and quarter

3 men wearin' balaclavas stand inside
of the 7/11 because they bank roll's tight
they move town to town and hustle on the side
it's basic instincts, the struggle to survive
store clerk workin near a ten year bid
in the same damn store he'd boost sweets as a kid
gets money for his fam, his reason to live
he loves em with his life...

As sun sets on the corner the moonshine warms a
lonely throat's hopes of home, wife and a daughter
thoughts of a better life, but instead he sleeps nights
under street lights throbbing orange in the beasts eye
see these 3 guys, seen it all before
walk towards the corner store with thoughts of war
the first hates the world, the second's tryna get weight
the third is tryna feed his baby girl
it's a sad situation, but all too common
cause where we live people's lives seem to fall through often
thoughts turn rotten got em to resort to robbin
yeah it's ill gotten gains but it's more than nothin
back to scene, theives storm in strapped with heat
no intentions to bust shots but money's where the love stops
the last one speaks runnin shit 'don't try no funny shit
open the drawer, hit the floor, we'll grab the money quick
when we outta the door call the cops, whatever
we'll be long gone in the night air together'
planned perfectly, circumstances front as certainty
but from the truth they couldn't be further free
clerk's urgency masked by the simple fact that
he's been stuck up enough times to calmly react
yeah he's seen more than a couple in his life
but there's a twist to this tale of a struggle to survive

3 men with their guns bucked stand inside
of the 7/11 because they bank roll's tight
blocking off the entrance, trouble in the night
its animal instincts, the struggle to survive
old man searching for a place to rest
finds a piss soaked phone booth to lay his head
brings newspaper blankets, cover from the night
lost in the struggle to survive...

as night falls on the corner, empty cans form a
way out from reality, escapin' the tragedy
of everyday existin', facin the fact that he
could never turn shit back round, make it back to being
happy and free, now he's sittin alone
seein theives hit the store for a quick bit of dough
in a moment of clarity, picks up the phone
shakin hand taps 911, lets em know
on the inside a shakin hand taps the register
hands over his hard earned cash, hopes theyll exit the
door quick and dissapear back to the shade
of alleyways and crack pipes, fights and black nights
but as they leave the store seein blue lights flashin
first theif turns around, sure he knew what happened
'motherfucker must've tried shit n tripped the alarm
well payback is a bitch', cocked the steel in his palm
and in an instant an innocent man loses the struggle
to metal tips quick to pierce flesh [flow pauses]
he winces and gives out a sigh, then bends double
knowin he aint got long left [pause again]
as the theives flee and the old man sits up
the clerk lays on the floor, lets his eyelids shut
warmth bleedin from his heart, no fight left in inside
says a prayer for his fam, takes his last breath and dies

[Meet your maker]

long read.well it felt like it for some reason...nice storytelling throughout like the descrpition of characters took a simple concept but turned it into a nice twist..

thoughts of a better life, but instead he sleeps nights
under street lights throbbing orange in the beasts eye

nice flow right here

on the inside a shakin hand taps the register
hands over his hard earned cash, hopes theyll exit the
door quick and dissapear back to the shade
of alleyways and crack pipes, fights and black nights

nice flow and wording here too.


I like the fact that someone does something "good" when he calls the cops then you showed that it ended up he got someone killed for it..i just like this piece it was more of a good read than good verse if you know what i mean and that was a good thing in a written like this. i like the way that you worked the hook into an interlude descriptive type thing to give some nice imagery to your piece also

good work.

[mic-nificent]

yo this was str8 dope..liked this alltogether had good work in this..v good read..keep posting and keep it up..

[impolite]

As sun sets on the corner the moonshine warms a
lonely throat's hopes of home, wife and a daughter
thoughts of a better life, but instead he sleeps nights
under street lights throbbing orange in the beasts eye
see these 3 guys, seen it all before
walk towards the corner store with thoughts of war
the first hates the world, the second's tryna get weight
the third is tryna feed his baby girl

great rhyme scheme. flow on this was immaculate and i can dig the storyline. more than anything, imagery stuck out to me. really vivid, seems like a very well thought out piece with both a personal and universally original topic. long read, how long did it take you to write? you made it look easy throughout, fly rhymes and flow.

[Ruck]

liked the chorus part..

of the 7/11 because they bank roll's tight
blocking off the entrance, trouble in the night

..the flow on this was nice

planned perfectly, circumstances front as certainty
but from the truth they couldn't be further free
clerk's urgency masked by the simple fact that
he's been stuck up enough times to calmly react
ill

RTF..on my new peice when i drop

[Funn DementaLL]

This was brilliant... Loved the old' school like Andre 3000 rhyme scheme... well written and paced... I would love to hear this audio.

"As sun sets on the corner the moonshine warms a
lonely throat's hopes of home, wife and a daughter
thoughts of a better life, but instead he sleeps nights
under street lights throbbing orange in the beasts eye"

brilliant opener and I was moved. you maintained a standard throughout keeping interest there and in terms of text it really works... this is demo quality material my man... thanks for blessing my drop... keep doing what you do... Easy bruh!

9.2/10

[Vick Slate]

saved feed!

love the bridge/hook in the beginning really sets the tone...


As sun sets on the corner the moonshine warms a
lonely throat's hopes of home, wife and a daughter
thoughts of a better life, but instead he sleeps nights
under street lights throbbing orange in the beasts eye
see these 3 guys, seen it all before
walk towards the corner store with thoughts of war
the first hates the world, the second's tryna get weight
the third is tryna feed his baby girl
it's a sad situation, but all too common
....just basic shit ya know, everyday life material and u make it sound sooo dope..good imagery by the wat


cause where we live people's lives seem to fall through often
thoughts turn rotten got em to resort to robbin
yeah it's ill gotten gains but it's more than nothin
back to scene, theives storm in strapped with heat
no intentions to bust shots but money's where the love stops
...fucking word!

the last one speaks runnin shit 'don't try no funny shit
open the drawer, hit the floor, we'll grab the money quick
when we outta the door call the cops, whatever
we'll be long gone in the night air together'
planned perfectly, circumstances front as certainty
but from the truth they couldn't be further free
clerk's urgency masked by the simple fact that
he's been stuck up enough times to calmly react
yeah he's seen more than a couple in his life
but there's a twist to this tale of a struggle to survive
....storyline is killer man and the imagery is at its finest right now

again this perfectly sets the tone for the verse...


the suppense was killing me on this verse
and you ended it lovely...flow was great

again storyline is nice!

[Plot]

I printed this out & took it with me to read on the bus to work.
Damn! Flow, Story, Bridge, Atmosphere, Vocab.
This is probably the best stroy piece Ive read on Rf. I set the scene so well
& had such a grimy, tragic twist that just reeked of reality & an unfair world.
Whilst reading it the flow was unmissable, especailly liking the bridge and the structure,
how the whole piece becomes to equal halves with 'Struggle to survive' repeating
not so much it gets repetitive just enough to let you notice & it sets in.
Im definetly gonna be peeping your works in the future man.

[Vick Slate]

upp this above all that newbie shit

[Christ]

No windex n newspaper and im I seeing you..Nice piece

[Phade]

thanks for the feed.

[Ruck]

return favour on link in sig?

[GRAFIK]

would make a gr8 audio,
over a real soulful type jazz beat.


As sun sets on the corner the moonshine warms a
lonely throat's hopes of home, wife and a daughter
thoughts of a better life, but instead he sleeps nights
under street lights throbbing orange in the beasts eye

^waw!!!!

[Contract]

The way you organized the flow kinda threw me a few times. Uh, that's my constructive criticism.

It's great, again, and stands out among the pieces written by the rest of the RF losers. A narrative, kinda like that first piece we did! Damn that thing was good. ha.

[Stoic]

I on the other hand loved the way the rhyme schemes were structured. Especially for the internal/externals and the way they intertwined. My recomendation would be for you to start writing about how precise you are at launching tomahawks through church windows, knife fighting locomotions, motorcycle racing with serrated boomerangs, etc.

Anyways you pretty much ripped it with this.

as night falls on the corner, empty cans form a
way out from reality, escapin' the tragedy
of everyday existin', facin the fact that he
could never turn shit back round, make it back to being
happy and free, now he's sittin alone
seein theives hit the store for a quick bit of dough
in a moment of clarity, picks up the phone
shakin hand taps 911, lets em know
on the inside a shakin hand taps the register
hands over his hard earned cash, hopes theyll exit the
door quick and dissapear back to the shade
of alleyways and crack pipes, fights and black nights
but as they leave the store seein blue lights flashin

The confidence you flare with the way you break lines is pretty close to the best I've seen. The story writing is perfectly matched by the atmosphere. So pretty much you've done what you do best again.