((Thanatoid)) vs. OpenMinded -OpenMic

[Plot]

10-12 bars due Friday, (gettim in before Sat nite know what Im saying)
Check etc...

[Thanatoid]

checking in to this bizzard.

[eL Rated]

check

[eL Rated]

Hell

Complete mysteries breathe through the deceased,
so meet the beast that has now been unleashed,
and will reek havoc through in and through out,
with death there is tradegy, so now whos in and whos out,
are you man enough to face the odds,
or do you think im wrong, to fight the gods,
to fight the lords which live amoung us,
but i show truth like a father and son's trust,
and im hung up, with this demise of self esteem,
which floats me above the surface and dreams,
to places never seen, like heaven,
you know the place you go when death comes,
when your last breath runs, out of air,
but if you go to thats when doubts dont care,
and shouts aint heard, there are just ignored,
and no body cares if there favourite football team scored,
and its a travesty, how i cause so much tragedy,
they coming in numbers, cluttering to try and batter me,
the devil and demons return,
to prove that hells a place where i burn,
and i honestly cannot stand this no more, how they keep on hurting me,
but im not escaping, im here for one whole eternity..

[Thanatoid]

Vader..
the mission for young anikin, was 2 become a man and then
show the world how he wasn't a manikin. so he began to sin
at first he was on top of his fractions, then started erratic actions
he couldn't stay on track. or in the light. slipping with no traction
or control over all of his rage, kept it behind bars of a cage
he was put on stage. to make a big decision at such a young age
and too much weight was on his shoulders, he couldn't hoist the pier
now finally his choice was clear. and Vader would never voice his fear
then the brute would dream.. of a star that could shoot a beam
now all he had to do was recruit a team, that would loot and ream
controlling the Empire and using the Dark Force, he sparked course
and embarked forth, ...

his cold inners know he’s a sinner. blasting opponents for dinner
he never saw himself as a Tie,-Fighter.. only a winner
vader a bluffer? the point was to cause pain and for those to suffer
then his game got rougher, cuz his son Luke claimed he was buffer
now truly; the test was on, off the less be gone. vest the pawns
each best be drawn. a collapse on both sides. now rest the spawns
as he looks into his son's eyes, his eyes.. the quiz prize
the battles on.. he tries to devise the cries of his lies

now his fury is steady, with his light saber machete,
..ready,

you never saw him hop a grin, the anger got the top to spin
even when Skywalker lopped his limb, he still tried to cop the win
when clearly Luke made a mock of him!

Love,
Thanny <3

[eL Rated]

Uppin please.

[Schematic]

Decent little battle fellas.

Open- Pretty decent little piece about Hell, which is a common topic and you shouldve flipped better... Im guessing you underestimated your opponent. The rhyming was really lackluster man... solid but didnt catch much attention.

Than- Wow.. a Star Wars piece lol. You did a good job though, nice multies and pretty good flow. Followed the story alright and had some parts that made me chuckle for some reason. Pretty good job.. but no more star wars pieces ever please lol.

Vote- Than

[Xylo]

Yo fellas i thought this was an open mic not a topical!

you know brag about your self etc almost like in a punch like battle!

Oh well.

First open minded you piece was pretty good it was deep but it could have been worded much better to bring more sting effect. anyways good job

Thann nice verse but to me it seemed more like a topical instead of an open mic i mean shucks dont you brag a bit about oneself in open mics.

Any ways nice job looking forward to your next one.

Vote = Thanny

[Criticize]

gota give this to than.

weird battle like xylo said it was as if you where doing 2 different topical battles,
open minded your verse was ok but i thought it was a bit basic, if you know what i mean you needed a few metaphors in their or some hardcore multi's word choice to make it a stand out piece, if you know what i mean, like you wrote your verse well it just wasnt THAT GREAT. keep working on upping your writing game and creativity.


than, i dont know is their anything more geek rap than writing a rhyme on star wars, i think not. your verse was ok aswell nothign really stand out to me either, but the reason i give you the win is because your voice had more nice elements 1 or 2 cool bars some nice multis in their etc and your writing just seemed a level above open minded...the tie-fighter line was ok.

you can still work on upping your writing game but this was actualy a cool verse on a gay topic.

vote-than.

big ups.