T2: ((ReaLyfe)) vs. R.D. Famous

[STRONGARM]

10 Bars Due Friday 07/25
Vote on other Battles..!

TOPIC:

[R.D.]

mail items on 1st and 15th

[ReaLyfe]

here

[R.D.]

immobilized, i try but i cant muster the strength to rise..
neon eyes, vision the hearts cluster pained with fiery skies..
malfunctions mean glitch but i can only wonder if its a team fix..
cant see in my periph but smell factory smoke with nicotine mixed..
i'm just a machine to the mass, no human characteristics in tact..
then explain in fact the warm sensation from the sun upon my back..
i feel emotions too so i know all of their strong beliefs are foiled..
heat will show my blood will boil... so what if its oil..
i know this much, my slight clenched fist lay stiffened and rough..
but it still isnt tough for me to accurately sense a woman's touch..
tis a coming of age for the pain of me being stored in a cage..
i should engulf them in flames if i were to go according to rage..
let more smoke rise and try to hide the fire in crimson skies..
cause at this size, the difference in wrong and right is what i decide..
still i wish no harm upon these men nor do i see an end..
that starts when i begin to force there tiny armies to defend..
against an inevitable loss in an unnecessary war that i brought..
i'd rather be their experiment until they reveal my pressing thought..
that i am a real soul with feelings , its killing me to prove..
but i'm sitting above floor and under ceiling with no ability to move..

goodluck.. i know this is way early but i enjoyed the topic

[ReaLyfe]

Grandfather Time

Grandfather time as a boy was our objective, so we did so collective-ly
Retrospective being, some say non existent , yet has directed me
I neglected to mention he, was my grandfather, who lived in a clock
Extricated his soul from his very hands, rushed in without a knock
Government demands everything from ya wristband to ya old socks
Deemed useful to HQ at the secret spot, located underneath the blood at Fort Knox
We built a laboratory wider than 2 football fields and higher than 3
Long enough to for my son to lay, and a king size bed for me
Fore thought, gave us insight to conduct business with walls 5 feet of cobalt
Scent reminiscent of sea salt, we thought to make time regress for assault
On Iraq's faults, but first the mind games turned mine insane
I've mined the caves of higher kings to design his timeless ribs and cane
Sinuses aligned his fists, so they can be named the creator of time portals
To find mortals, that have different morals, to silence their post 9/11 chortles
Eyes made of Kryptonite, so it exudes green to examine the sun by day and moon by night
Invited the gov officials to the test bomb site, where fission and fusion would ignite
Made this robot with man-like features so the enemy can see the anger in his heart
Sun light will start to wake him up for another day, suit fit to the ribs like culinary art
Sullen when we depart, before finishing touches on the waterproof suit
Set to uproot the existence of the brute, "Now, set him loose" to a full out deathly pursuit

[R.D.]

nice verse real..

[ReaLyfe]

thx... now let's get some votes... go vote so they can rtf

[Criticize]

close battle guys, could go either way.

i think real lyfe wins this.
only thing i dont like about your verse rf, is i duno how to explain it perhaps the wording, but you dont really focus on the direction of your lines. and then you have to force a rhyme at the end of the line. so you could improve your wording to make the bars flow. rather than it seems story with some rhymes at the end of the line. make the wording and rhyming words impact on your piece harder, that just being there to make it rhyme.

real lyfe your verse was better, i think you could work on some things still. like just the focus of your whole piece, and the internal bars, like make your lines more complex when the situation arises, such as wordplay mets or vocab you know the drill.

i think reallyfe wins this one. but it was real close.

vote-real.

[STRONGARM]

ReaLyfe Wins..!