T1: Xylo Vs. Pembroke Wins (K.O)

[HellRazor]

10 Bars Due Friday (Extensions Granted Upon Request til 08/09). Vote on other Battles..!

Topic:

[Pembroke]

Good luck my man

[Xylo]

Not feeling the photo HR .

Here goes:

How did phamysteclese youngest son of dionysis
princess of the warrior breed
13th seed sewn to Herculese
materialize through the mist
and lose his sight to see?
Its a mistery told by Jermaniclese
But after time evolved it changed over centuries
A rambunctuous youth his smile
exemplifies innocence of truth
Performed tasks he moved
with battle hewn roots shown radiates proof
Hooded marble top and concrete suit
But in a citizens hew with royalty roots
Phamysteclese knew he made a mistake
The night he lye awake with the shakes
peering through silk drapes as lightning strafes
A shudder of earth made his home quake
Mouth agape he inches towards his window
and witnessed something exciting
slightly delighteful through his sight beams
Suddenly a phosphorous odor and then
lightning the result was frightning
Considering he was at the right scene
It seemed a perfect strike that deemed
To remove the precious sight from Greece`s
future provider warrior and supreme being
He was told repeatedly not to look but to see
or be blinded due to his nefarius tendency
he glanced out immediately and was turned to stone
As with Sodom and Gomorrah he was crystalyzed outside his parents home.

Sorry i went long Pem.

[Pembroke]

Thornchild of Bavaria
Son of a stone mason had enough of his probation
Parents passed away, had to make it by the scruff of the cold basin
The government sent him to an orphanage, condemned him to unfortunate
Circumstances, couldn't mention of the rancid intelligence commanded
Of a terrible legacy embedded in the sampson..
Changed his name and moved to a hedge up in the Hamptons
He could practice unimaginable deeds with steel incisions
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims..
Relocated once every 3 months so there was no real suspicion
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims..
Reconnaisance in the sewers, bodies of confuddled truth
Eyes all set to the same stone walls.. you could say he was a troubled youth
Children were the main course, though he staved a couple
He would lead them to find sweets and cookies.. in a flaming cupboard
Joined a monkhood and indulged in the lost odor of tribes
Some say it was god himself who slipped the bloody cloth over his eyes
Beyond the look of a simple boy was an ill vindictum..
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims
Many years later, he was arrested in London under contempt of crimes
His remedies will exist in our memories until the end of time

[King M.C]

XYLO

How did phamysteclese youngest son of dionysis
princess of the warrior breed
13th seed sewn to Herculese
materialize through the mist
and lose his sight to see?
Its a mistery told by Jermaniclese
But after time evolved it changed over centuries

VERY HOT OPENER

Considering he was at the right scene
It seemed a perfect strike that deemed
To remove the precious sight from Greece`s
future provider warrior and supreme being
He was told repeatedly not to look but to see
or be blinded due to his nefarius tendency
he glanced out immediately and was turned to stone
As with Sodom and Gomorrah he was crystalyzed outside his parents home.

ONCE AGAIN FLAME, NICE KNOWLEDGE

PEMBROKE

Thornchild of Bavaria
Son of a stone mason had enough of his probation
Parents passed away, had to make it by the scruff of the cold basin
The government sent him to an orphanage, condemned him to unfortunate
Circumstances, couldn't mention of the rancid intelligence commanded
Of a terrible legacy embedded in the sampson..
Changed his name and moved to a hedge up in the Hamptons
He could practice unimaginable deeds with steel incisions
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims..
Relocated once every 3 months so there was no real suspicion
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims..
Reconnaisance in the sewers, bodies of confuddled truth
Eyes all set to the same stone walls.. you could say he was a troubled youth
Children were the main course, though he staved a couple
He would lead them to find sweets and cookies.. in a flaming cupboard
Joined a monkhood and indulged in the lost odor of tribes
Some say it was god himself who slipped the bloody cloth over his eyes
Beyond the look of a simple boy was an ill vindictum..
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims
Many years later, he was arrested in London under contempt of crimes
His remedies will exist in our memories until the end of time

YOU WOULD THINK THE DUDE WAS A NOVELIST^^^

I WASNT GONE TO VOTE BUT I HAD FINALLY MADE MY DECIION
I THOUGHT BOTH WAS DOPE DROPS, BUT BECAUSE THIS
IS A TOPICAL I HAD TO GO PEM, PLUS XYLO DROP 5 MORE BARS
WHICH MADE ME LEAN TOWARDS HIM

V+ PEMBROKE
PEACE

[Xylo]

Nice verse Pem.

[King M.C]

my bad X

[Punslinger]

How did phamysteclese youngest son of dionysis
princess of the warrior breed
13th seed sewn to Herculese
materialize through the mist
and lose his sight to see?
Its a mistery told by Jermaniclese
But after time evolved it changed over centuries
^
Nice opener. I feel it could've been more descriptive...

As for the rest of the story. It kinda had me all over the place... sorta lost me, just a tad.

Considering he was at the right scene
It seemed a perfect strike that deemed
To remove the precious sight from Greece`s
future provider warrior and supreme being
He was told repeatedly not to look but to see
or be blinded due to his nefarius tendency
he glanced out immediately and was turned to stone
As with Sodom and Gomorrah he was crystalyzed outside his parents home.
^
A solid finish, not much to say about it.

A good verse... had some iffy parts though. The flow could have been more steady... just to add more enjoyment to it. Other then that, co complaints.

Pem:

Thornchild of Bavaria
Son of a stone mason had enough of his probation
Parents passed away, had to make it by the scruff of the cold basin
The government sent him to an orphanage, condemned him to unfortunate
Circumstances, couldn't mention of the rancid intelligence commanded
Of a terrible legacy embedded in the sampson..
Changed his name and moved to a hedge up in the Hamptons
^
Perfect.

Reconnaisance in the sewers, bodies of confuddled truth
Eyes all set to the same stone walls.. you could say he was a troubled youth
^
Greatness.

Beyond the look of a simple boy was an ill vindictum..
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims
^
Haha.

Many years later, he was arrested in London under contempt of crimes
His remedies will exist in our memories until the end of time
^
Indeed.

--


Both great verses, but I'ma have to give this to Pembroke. He just came too consistent to lose this battle imo. The wording, rhyming, the storyline is just above par. Xylo, you came nice as well, but sections of the middle part of your verse lost me. Both great writers, gave a great battle.

Good work, fellas.

Vote: Pembroke

[Xylo]

Any ways!!!!!!!!!!! i give up you win pem! you guys kill me i told a dog on story and painted a solid picture about the stone boy and how he got that way so if you M.Fs cant see that then some thing is really wrong with yall.

And you talk about all over the place get the fuck outta here!! my shit described his lineage and how and why he was blinded. you dudes kill me man.


I`m out due to bastids not understanding how to visualize a damn story.

Vote >Pem.

Sorry but this time due to bullshit votes i`m bitchin fuck it sew me!!

[1/2 Wit It]

Xylo;

A rambunctuous youth his smile
exemplifies innocence of truth
Performed tasks he moved
with battle hewn roots shown radiates proof

Think the wording could be edged out a tad..the concept is there though.

Phamysteclese knew he made a mistake
The night he lye awake with the shakes
peering through silk drapes as lightning strafes
A shudder of earth made his home quake
Mouth agape he inches towards his window
and witnessed something exciting
slightly delighteful through his sight beams

This was hot..I liked how loose the flow was..It made it very unpredictable as I was reading

He was told repeatedly not to look but to see
or be blinded due to his nefarius tendency
he glanced out immediately and was turned to stone
As with Sodom and Gomorrah he was crystalyzed outside his parents home.

I dig this ending..

Overall; I felt your verse was pretty decent..I felt like due to your lack of enthusiasm for the picture, that you forced alot of things..But the ideas that were thought out shined..Wording was alittle sloppy in certain sections, although the flow was pretty consistent throughout the read..not a bad verse, but not your best effort either imo..

Pembroke;

Thornchild of Bavaria
Son of a stone mason had enough of his probation
Parents passed away, had to make it by the scruff of the cold basin

I really enjoyed the rhyming in this opener..

The government sent him to an orphanage, condemned him to unfortunate
Circumstances, couldn't mention of the rancid intelligence commanded
Of a terrible legacy embedded in the sampson..
Changed his name and moved to a hedge up in the Hamptons

When I first began to read this section, I wasn't sure I would like it..but by the time I got to the last line I was in awe of your rhyming ability and word selection.

He could practice unimaginable deeds with steel incisions
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims..
Relocated once every 3 months so there was no real suspicion
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims..

I love and hate this..Love it, because the wording is actually rather nice..I hate it, because it makes me feel like you were being lazy..

Joined a monkhood and indulged in the lost odor of tribes
Some say it was god himself who slipped the bloody cloth over his eyes
Beyond the look of a simple boy was an ill vindictum..
His most prodigious trait was how he killed his victims
Many years later, he was arrested in London under contempt of crimes
His remedies will exist in our memories until the end of time

Although I said the repetitive line bothered me alittle, I still think this was a damn hot way to end your verse..It fits very well in this section and almost makes me feel like I'm listening to a song, and that's just a continuous hook randomly placed..Nice writing.

Overall; Excellent storytelling as always..Your content was descript and vivid which is always key for drops like these..Although I felt the set of bars preceeding your closer were alittle shaky in comparison to the majority of lines in your verse, I felt you overwhelmed that with your last 3 bars and delivered a nice end to the read..

Vote: Pembroke...Without a doubt I definately felt like he delivered the all-around better verse..His concepts were more creative, his wording was clearer and more descriptive making for an easier-to-follow read..And I felt like his verse better told the story of the image, so that's why he gets my vote. Props to both for showing. Peace

*edited*: at first I didn't think that Xylo said anything about the mark across dudes face..But I read over my vote and his verse once more and noticed what I'd missed so I changed a few things..but my vote remains the same.

[Xylo]

I can respect that! finally thanks 1/2

[HellRazor]

Pembroke Wins..K.O!!

Closed