T1: FranchisE vs. ((R.D. Famous))

[STRONGARM]

10 Bars Due Friday 09/12/08. Vote on other Battles..!


TOPIC: “War Is Hell”

[R.D.]

im here kind of//

please check the week thread for more details


i fuckin love this topic.. no way you'll win too personal for me

[FranchisE]

wednesday september 10th
Fwd: mother of charlie franchise
1st regiment, artillary division


look ma..im sorry for how i was..and am still on the bench with drugs.../
rose my hands up- if ever somebody mentioned a thug..//1
now ya sons in the trench with slugs../
im just tryin to spit these guns and not get my fatigues drenched in blood..//2
we hittin battle fields MP5's...with 10 clips each.../
even knowing my man might die before i end this speech..//3
23 years old and its lookin like im not ready for this.../
diss george bush-im pissed..this wars gettin steadily thick...//4
stay cool- i remain calm...duckin shootin they raining bombs.../
while im shedding my eardrums with naypalm stained arms...//5
everynight..im awoken by a man screaming..../
either from bad dreams- or maggets in canteens...//6
so ive filed to go home..its looking like im not that brave man../
they said to win the wars the plan...but the grenades they still land..//7
my man made it but he was scared to squeeze.../
he got hit- in my arms he was crying.."im scared to leave.."..//8
on the plain over mom...we even shared a seat..../
now my mans on the battlefield somwhere deceased...//10

love ya first born,
Charlie Franchise

[R.D.]

tis crimson i paint with, it's anguish i'm dealt..
such pain and i've screamed so blatant for help..
mother i shall, enter war at eighteen..
father i hate you for the ways you raised me..
explosions of fire, emersion of light..
holdin' my rifle, concerned with the fight..
impressed how long this smoke has lasted me..
the hate inside outweighs the war's capacity..
brisk captions i catch of civilization..
then back to the bombs and no humanization..
a city that falls, its people's lost will..
a pity its all from the tanks on the hill..
thinkin' that enough must be enough..
when a mutt's touch can mean so much..
the victims of I, families will cry..
so i swear i did no killing, yes i will lie..
bury it deep envision it was a dream..
wake from my sleep, listen to screams..
haunted by my past i'm sorry i've sinned..
there is no heaven for soldiers if they don't win..


tried to capture the image.. word up

[PRECISE ']

you both murderd the verse


R.D .. franchise go here .. MySpace.com - OkiZoo - Originally: Okinawa, Japan Currently: Seattle, W. - Hip Hop / Turntablism / Trip Hop - www.myspace.com/okizoo listen to the track " soilder letters "
its basically an audio of what yall just wrote by okizoo my crew ...


ok . .back to the matter at hand



franchise ... dope ass chill ass verse ... it was so easy to flow with , I aint lazy but its good for artist to make music , lyrics , beats and what ever other form of art understandable by just a look or just a few words not have to break it down in mathmatics or some shit
so off the back I was really feelin that ,, fusho


R.D

U came in more on the poetic side more complex then he did , still simple to the point , painting a picture with words is def a good way to go especially with this being about war and all , franchise did too with the aripline / seat image and , the rifle image
but you , you put images in my head then made me feel what you fealt by saying it in the same bar almost so that was real solid



hmmm ..


this is hard ...


franchise came with a letter ...


R.D came with a picture

both are really good lyrically


OK .. verdict



Vote... R.D .. on the bases of imagry , its wins every time , him talking about hearing screams and shit is just the feel of the picture , Franchise good fight , the letter was sick , me and my okizoo click made a track the same way you wrote it .. check it out

[Exis]

FranchisE:

we hittin battle fields MP5's...with 10 clips each...
even knowing my man might die before i end this speech..
23 years old and its lookin like im not ready for this...

^^thought that was nice...

so ive filed to go home..its looking like im not that brave man..
they said to win the wars the plan...but the grenades they still land..
my man made it but he was scared to squeeze...
he got hit- in my arms he was crying.."im scared to leave.."
on the plain over mom...we even shared a seat....
now my mans on the battlefield somwhere deceased...

^^probably your best section...

some of your multies yeah , they seemed forced...could do with a spell check also.Flow is cool but in some parts it disrupts things...don't really like your wordin' or the beginnin'...started too simple for my likin'.You stayed on topic fine and there is alot of emotion and imagery which for the most was good...decent shit just seems bland in areas and either average or under that in others...inconsistent but aight.

R.D:

tis crimson i paint with, it's anguish i'm dealt..
such pain and i've screamed so blatant for help..
mother i shall, enter war at eighteen..
father i hate you for the ways you raised me..

^^dope , Idk...would of put 'that' before 'you raised me'...flow fire regardless though and content is nice.

explosions of fire, emersion of light..
holdin' my rifle, concerned with the fight..

^^well yeah , multies obviously slick but once again lyrics are tight...


brisk captions i catch of civilization..
then back to the bombs and no humanization..
a city that falls, its people's lost will..
a pity its all from the tanks on the hill..

^^I thought the first bar was aight but the second is ill...

the victims of I, families will cry..
so i swear i did no killing, yes i will lie..

^^chea...

haunted by my past i'm sorry i've sinned..
there is no heaven for soldiers if they don't win..

^^it's a good closer but I felt it could have been stronger...

I like your verse , when you really stepped it up with multies not only was flow perfect like but the content seemed to increase immensely if you were to compare it to other sections.Alotta really nice bars and imo word choices were leaps and bounds ahead of FranchisE's shit...emotion and imagery are no doubt present also...apart from minor things this was solid my friend....made my decision an easy one.

vote - R.D.

...enjoyed the read y'all , stay up.

[Pembroke]

This was a great showing by both of you, it almost reminded me why people write in the first place.. even during war.. one of the most terrible of settings imaginable to human beings trapped inside of it. The decision is tough cause these verses would excel even more matched up together as a collab.

Franchise - You were very successful with the way you took us in a journey through the soldier's eyes, uncovering the realities and the cold aspects of what war is: War is hell. You also illustrated his surroundings nicely while still maintaining the personal narration towards his mother.. and then when you ended it with a melancholic hardness, it capped it off.

we hittin battle fields MP5's...with 10 clips each.../
even knowing my man might die before i end this speech..//3
^Nice as hell.. reminds me of Cassidy's flow on tracks.

everynight..im awoken by a man screaming..../
either from bad dreams- or maggets in canteens...//6
^This was also impressively written..

Royal Touch - You had the calm atmosphere and a sense of forebodance down in your verse as the temperament went from gentle to roughened throughout.. the simple rhyme scheme gave it a realistic quality like you just emerged from the smoke of the battlefield in a daze of what just occurred.. who you lost.. the decisions you made, and bullets you fired.

mother i shall, enter war at eighteen..
father i hate you for the ways you raised me..
explosions of fire, emersion of light..
holdin' my rifle, concerned with the fight..
impressed how long this smoke has lasted me..
the hate inside outweighs the war's capacity..
brisk captions i catch of civilization..
then back to the bombs and no humanization..
^Excellent bars giving different outlooks at the same grim truth.

Another great topical duel for the archives.. again, the vote is tough. Fran had a tight verse in the form of a letter to his mother in which he painted the brutalities of war, his experiences, and some of his own philosophical thought. R.D. took us into his vision of what war is and what it does to the world.. the cold, the warm, and the dead lying in the mud. I'm gonna say RD not because he had the better verse, but because it hit me in a different way Fran's letter hit me. You should put this up in the mic booth..

Props.. both of you.

v/ R.D.

Stay up.

[STRONGARM]

3 - 0 KO.. R.D. Wins..!