T1: ((7th Crescent)) vs. Tyrant

[STRONGARM]

10 Bars Due Friday. Vote On Other Battles..!

TOPIC:

[Tyrant.]

gl 7th and nice topic this should be good

[7th Crescent]

check should be real good..g/l to u as well

[7th Crescent]

Whispers Of The Wind

All I see is frowns, encased in hopeful wishing..
Stargazing into midnight reaching for blissful teaching..
Handed down from a castaway god, lost was the meaning..
Of the sky and stars, entities fought to be featured..
In the skyline, limelight, high rise into color..
Why is the night sky black?, stars resemble each other?..
It was the battle, the darkness black…was shackled..
Left to stand alone, hoist the stars on its back, a hassle..
Bestowed by those so bright, gods touch - a flame of white..
The king to some, devil to many, resting on a blanket night..
So tell me now, child whispers…who does the sky belong to?..
The slaves that hold it up or the stars that shine upon you..
Make a wish,shoot the star, then crush its blackened heart..
you might witness a shooting star pierce through the dark..
Was it our lord’s choice to start a war?..
Before Africans and Irish god created a star…
Before Mexicans and Asians Jesus slept for our scorn…
So why did this battle of races get waged on steps of there home?..
The sky so black and stars shine white – master commanding a slave…
Make a wish child ..go to sleep…so this battle can end in day..

[Tyrant.]

Greatness Of One

The balance of humanity is kept deep within a soul
A being which is not a whole, a fight for control
A war for the world faught in one single mind..
Never alone, two powers always mingle inside
Screams of demons, and the Angels speak there reason
No Freedom, No Chance to leave him.. They need him..
He once fell from the skys, to earth, where he now resides
Forced to choose sides he shouts and he crys..
Why fight, when its power which both leaders lust
Noone to trust, to give a decision he must
A Brother of satan, but to god hes a son..
This weight is a ton.. being the chosen one..
Two armys stand still ready for finality
To face this reality proves his vitality..
His mentality goes calm... no sweat on his palms
He thought so long, but his choice he feels strong
The light beside flickers as his wings unleash him to the sky
Hes tired of lies.. now with conviction he flys
Pointing to both sides, showing hes ready to fight
With no army by his side.. Angels and Demons Collide..

[Criticize]

In the skyline, limelight, high rise into color..
Why is the night sky black?, stars resemble each other?..
Bestowed by those so bright, gods touch - a flame of white..
The king to some, devil to many, resting on a blanket night..
So tell me now, child whispers…who does the sky belong to?..
The slaves that hold it up or the stars that shine upon you..
Make a wish,shoot the star, then crush its blackened heart..
you might witness a shooting star pierce through the dark..
________________---

The balance of humanity is kept deep within a soul
A being which is not a whole, a fight for control

Pointing to both sides, showing hes ready to fight
With no army by his side.. Angels and Demons Collide..
________________
ok decent battle. i liked the way you both came at this from VERY different sides, 7th i liked the first half of your verse the best the race war was decent, but you were doing nicely with the stars and such, id like to see a few more mulit's and mets in their but thats just me.
7th i dug your flow in this throughout the main part of your verse, you had some nice multi's in their which helped it along, but the downside i get with your verse is that some bars seem to basic, like they fit the topical and you get what your trying to say, but i dont know theres just something lacking. like you need to have some better imagery or mets in some parts just to be writing on a higer level against some of the better writers on this site.

my vote is for 7th i liked his verse more, and thought he had the better lines throughout.

keep up guys.

[1/2 Wit It]

7th Crescent;

In the skyline, limelight, high rise into color..
Why is the night sky black?, stars resemble each other?..

Think the wording could be tweaked to make these lines rhyme better together..other than that I liked where you were headed with this

Bestowed by those so bright, gods touch - a flame of white..
The king to some, devil to many, resting on a blanket night..
So tell me now, child whispers…who does the sky belong to?..
The slaves that hold it up or the stars that shine upon you..

Second bar in this set is probaly my favorite out of the verse..First bar was creative.

Make a wish,shoot the star, then crush its blackened heart..
you might witness a shooting star pierce through the dark..

First line here was dope..second line could be tweaked for a better rhyme imo..

The sky so black and stars shine white – master commanding a slave…
Make a wish child ..go to sleep…so this battle can end in day..

This closer was like a whole new approach to topicals..instead of trying to end with a bang you did it very calmly..which I rather enjoyed.



Tyrant;

A war for the world faught in one single mind..
Never alone, two powers always mingle inside

Loved this idea..

Why fight, when its power which both leaders lust

This line alot was nice..

A Brother of satan, but to god hes a son..
This weight is a ton.. being the chosen one..

The concept is cool, but the way you expressed it was almost too basic.

The light beside flickers as his wings unleash him to the sky
Hes tired of lies.. now with conviction he flys
Pointing to both sides, showing hes ready to fight
With no army by his side.. Angels and Demons Collide..

This closing section is my favorite in your entire verse.


Overall; 7th, I'd say you definately had the deeper verse of the two, but in a way, yours was also the most repetitive, for the simple fact that you used certains words alot..Also, a few of your bars didn't really rhyme, which made a couple of your ideas seem forced..I'd say you had a pretty good verse, but it definately doesn't seem like you put your all into it..And Tyrant, the majority of your verse was alittle on the simple side..That's not always a good thing, and in this case, I don't think it was..You had some pretty cool ideas, but the way that you expressed them was just too dull..You've really got to start putting more creativity in your verse as far as content and scheme's are concerned..Because it's obvious that you already have basic rhyming down..Cool battle, guys. But 7th Crescent gets my vote..Both seemed very poetic for some reason..but I'd say his wins just because it was more creative and enjoyable..Peace.

[R.D.]

swear i voted on all the battles already oh well..

Tyrant
The balance of humanity is kept deep within a soul
A being which is not a whole, a fight for control
A war for the world faught in one single mind..
Never alone, two powers always mingle inside

i feel the opener.. but it seems like you left some things out dont be afraid to stretch your bar a little more and make the lines clear

Screams of demons, and the Angels speak there reason
No Freedom, No Chance to leave him.. They need him..

i really liked this flow with the multi's.. i think you need to follow it up on the next line. like, quazi-evil puzzle pieces complete em.. not that just for instance you know

He once fell from the skys, to earth, where he now resides
Forced to choose sides he shouts and he crys..
Why fight, when its power which both leaders lust
Noone to trust, to give a decision he must

you have the multis and flow in place but your not saying enough you know?.. couple more words placed well and this is dope just like the first section

A Brother of satan, but to god hes a son..
This weight is a ton.. being the chosen one..
Two armys stand still ready for finality
To face this reality proves his vitality..

nice flow here and multis are continuing on through the whole verse.. the "ality" mutli rhymes do well enough but try a different approach as those get old very quick like.. try, "balance beam" "ballads scream" as the multi there cause it rhymes well enough to work but keeps it different

His mentality goes calm... no sweat on his palms
He thought so long, but his choice he feels strong

this doesn't actually make sense grammatically or any way.. you need more wording and better execution in this bar honestly..

The light beside flickers as his wings unleash him to the sky
Hes tired of lies.. now with conviction he flys
Pointing to both sides, showing hes ready to fight
With no army by his side.. Angels and Demons Collide..

probably the best part of the verse but still needs a little more content..
i know leaveing your lines and bars short makes your flow seem uncontainable but if you look at say 1/2 wit it's verses he goes about as short as you but you will see his multis arent just there they are apart of the line.. it goes together.. you are putting different thoughts in the same line to rhyme you know.. feel free to span your wings out and put more words in your bars.. also work on maybe for topical setting up the scene.. have a common goal for the verse.. seems like your thoughts and bars were a little jumbled like you didn't know where you were going with it.
==============================================

7th Crescent
All I see is frowns, encased in hopeful wishing..
Stargazing into midnight reaching for blissful teaching..
Handed down from a castaway god, lost was the meaning..
Of the sky and stars, entities fought to be featured..

strong lack of flow and rhyming.. i dont think it went smoothly as a topical as a poem i can see this working.. but reaching teach meaning was like a decent bar inside of this.. just didn't think it went well here

In the skyline, limelight, high rise into color..
Why is the night sky black?, stars resemble each other?..

nice as bar.. i love the first line really.. the second just stayed on par

It was the battle, the darkness black…was shackled..
Left to stand alone, hoist the stars on its back, a hassle..

kind of repeated yourself on the whole darkness with stars.. i mean it worked but you didn't change the wording enough to me to make it a good follow up to the last bar

Bestowed by those so bright, gods touch - a flame of white..
The king to some, devil to many, resting on a blanket night..
So tell me now, child whispers…who does the sky belong to?..
The slaves that hold it up or the stars that shine upon you..

nice metaphors.. but maybe its just me you are hung up on the atmosphere.. but there arent even stars in the topic image, just dark gray gloomy cloudy skies.. so as ill as this was still not really sucking me in

Make a wish,shoot the star, then crush its blackened heart..
you might witness a shooting star pierce through the dark..

..still..

Was it our lord’s choice to start a war?..
Before Africans and Irish god created a star…
Before Mexicans and Asians Jesus slept for our scorn…
So why did this battle of races get waged on steps of there home?..

again poor flow as things did not rhyme well in this bar at all.. i'm done being hung up on the over usage of star.. not really feeling this either

The sky so black and stars shine white – master commanding a slave…
Make a wish child ..go to sleep…so this battle can end in day..

again.. please don't think i'm hating i have nothing but love for you 7th but this wasn't a great verse.. you were hung up on a sky that wasn't even captured in the picture.. and overall you didn't pull me into your verse as you usually do.. also i felt your verse was more poetic than anything else.. very repetitive but lack of flow..

i'm rather confused on the voting conclusions thus far.. as i feel we should take the topical image into consideration heavily when reading each verse

v-Tyrant

[7th Crescent]

RD
ok i feel u but the theory here was the concept of the title...the angel is listening the whispers of the wind..he is listening the all of the fears, pain, and so forth.. the thought was the angel is the one the prayers and whispers got to...Not god...the sky is captured in the photo...as far as my writing goes i have covered angels completely and i had to go a very different route here so it wouldnt be my typical old shit feel..I know this was abstract but i want do things different..stretch the concept of topical....

thanks for the votes

[R.D.]

^i completely understand and appreciate that.. and you know your work in my opinion is some of the best i read and enjoy.. also i'm not knocking your work i try to give feedback that will help.. as you can see i even did that with Ty's verse, i simply enjoyed his more this time around..

hope there is no confusion in that area

[7th Crescent]

definitely no confusion...

[Vulgar]

7th Crescent - I thought this was the perfect topic for you to do your thing on. The true essence of what you were trying to portray wasn't fully coated in the fascination with the theme you beset yourself. Angelic skylines, universal origin from the eyes of children. It's a timeline with dark matter as the measurement of night and day. Your ideas were passionate but your execution was, allow me to borrow a quote from Lord of the Rings, like butter scraped over too much bread. It lacked the buttery sweetness and the showstopping qualities your verses usually have when it comes to topical journeys.

Make a wish child ..go to sleep…so this battle can end in day..
^Did you mean "so this battle can end in a day"?

Tyrant - Simplicity, image depicting, but an expected approach? This is the ideal method of pulling off a successful verse to this topic - somehow, it's a glossover of a deeper story within, but a generalized legend of angels vs. demons that functions independently. If I look into the character's eyes in the image, I can see the "greatness of one" and it becomes less of an expected concept because you became immersed with his identity. 7th tried to manipulate the outer rings of our interests, and you go for the strumming of the heartstring. Which has the more powerful effect?

"The light beside flickers as his wings unleash him to the sky"

This is the line of the battle, and since the battle is an extremely close one, this will tip the balance, even though it'll probably be at a 2-2 standstill until someone else votes, which is doubtful.

v - Tyrant

[STRONGARM]

2 - 2 tied..

[7th Crescent]

no read it the way it is.. meaning the battle can end when the day comes...

[STRONGARM]

FYI: A Topic (regardless if it's a description or Pics like I like to use for Topicals) can be interpreted however the participants choose. There's no right or wrong interpretation. The only way a verse could be considered "Off Topic" would be if the person had zero mention of anything in the picture or anything to do with the Topic description.

Anyways..

I thought both verses were great.

Tyrant went with a very simple, basic approach. Nothing fancy. Lyrically: It was beautifully written Tyrant, just felt like the rhymes were really predictable and straight forward.. that's what I mean by basic. Still a very nice verse.

7th, I felt in certain areas you could've tweaked the rhymes because War/Star and Home/Scorn don't rhyme for me. Overall it was an enjoyable read though..!


Thing is.. when comparing the 2 verses, the amount of description and detail in 7th's REALLY makes Tyrant's verse look more straight forward and plain imo. I liked both.. so this wasn't a cut and dry, clear case of one person coming better than the other which = an easy vote. In the end.. after re-reading both verses.. I decided to go with 7th.

MY VOTE = 7th Crescent


Overall.. I went with the more descriptive and more content heavy verse. Props to both.


3 - 2.. 7th Wins..!