T1: 1/2 Wit It vs. ((Xylo))

[STRONGARM]

10 Bars Due Friday 07/25
Vote on other Battles..!

TOPIC:

[Xylo]

Check Gl 1/2


Look at me now!

What have you done to me my love i stoicly await an answer
the death dealer necro enhancer lover leave them like cancer
Ive been bodied by a mystical dancer an ambush master
i was swift with my right but her scythe was just faster
Jugular sliced i lay poised in the night i`m a horrible sight
an unthinkable whittler lack of fright im impressed and sold
victim of a serial killer naked body exposed but i`m clothed
murder not long ago penis still on the bone veins exposed
Strangled by panty hose flem through nose chest with holes
she stands in the mirror breasts exposed my heart explodes
How did she enter my apartment with out door codes
My mind implodes shes not a cop but arrested my soul
Daughter of wodes denizen of trolls ire of toads
basher of men loses and then......slasher of throats
Dasher dancer and escaper of gropes basher of hopes
I lay paralyzed from the thighs up she now uses ropes
Admires her work as shes attempting to cope
sick with cuts the blood spatters are dope
Human isotope life ebb sinking like a downed periscope
gyroscope last moments eyes reveal a slippery moat
Never trust a female only dressed in a coat
Bare footed and bold shes a sight to behold
sell your soul its told you`ll end up cold
Collecting mold before your old hm!!you never know.

Why am i laying here low with no answer from you?

Xylo.

[1/2 Wit It]

Checking In.
G/L Xy

He reaches to turn a knob..

"Babe, you're always so tense..you never relax"..
He responds slowly - "C'mon, you know me better than that"
She nods, "Yeah, I thought I knew you better than that"
He paused in surprise and up rised the hair on his back
"What's that supposed to mean? I'm focused on stackin green!"
"I know, but we're broke..so, maybe rap is a crackled dream.."
"Not saying you have to quit; Shit, do what makes you happy"
"But if losing makes you happy, then you have to adapt to it"
"Instead of acting mad, having fits then snapping at your daughter--"
Before she got any farther, he bashed the wall to stop her
Startled by the sight of his bloodied fist and stained tiles..
She remains quaint and feigns a faint smile
Crimson trickles from his knuckles to a puddle at his feet
He whispers a whim of grief which is muffled as he speaks
"Listen baby, I'm quite stressed"--
Then in the middle of his sentence he's given a sliced neck
He turns quickly and slips-instantly splitting his crown
-She crouches down and slits him ear to ear, flipping his frown
"They warned me of your temper..I'm noticing now"
"Why so serious, dear? I'm only joking around.."

[R.D.]

Xylo
What have you done to me my love i stoicly await an answer
the death dealer necro enhancer lover leave them like cancer
Ive been bodied by a mystical dancer an ambush master
i was swift with my right but her scythe was just faster

nice opening.. sets the tone.. flowed well and i enjoyed the wording.. liked how you kind of posed the question then started answering it in your own head..

Jugular sliced i lay poised in the night i`m a horrible sight

sick line... lol at being down on yourself for geting killed.. shits illy

an unthinkable whittler lack of fright im impressed and sold
victim of a serial killer naked body exposed but i`m clothed

i think this could have been worded differently to enhance it but it did fine as is and i liked it

murder not long ago penis still on the bone veins exposed
Strangled by panty hose flem through nose chest with holes
she stands in the mirror breasts exposed my heart explodes
How did she enter my apartment with out door codes

i didnt like the last line thought it was forced but the rest is ill ass horrorcore.. bottomline.. shit worked very nicely as well

My mind implodes shes not a cop but arrested my soul
Daughter of wodes denizen of trolls ire of toads
basher of men loses and then......slasher of throats
Dasher dancer and escaper of gropes basher of hopes

crazy switch up for this whole section.. well written but i think it needs some kind o fpolishing not sure where its missing the link but its missing one i think..

I lay paralyzed from the thighs up she now uses ropes
Admires her work as shes attempting to cope

i think you should have been more in depth with this concept of her trying to cope maybe she is insane or something i don't know but you mention it and move on kind of

sick with cuts the blood spatters are dope
Human isotope life ebb sinking like a downed periscope
gyroscope last moments eyes reveal a slippery moat
Never trust a female only dressed in a coat

first two lines didn't really work for me but the next two were awesome.. i just love that image you set right there with the blood moat and he arriving in only a coat

Bare footed and bold shes a sight to behold
sell your soul its told you`ll end up cold
Collecting mold before your old hm!!you never know.

nice ending.. overall you did a really good job topic wise your flow was not incredible but it also didnt seem forced so definite respect in that area.. good words and nice graphic description.. pretty good piece from you really!

=============================================

1/2 Wit It
"Babe, you're always so tense..you never relax"..
He responds slowly - "C'mon, you know me better than that"

love it, straight into it no set up except itself.. haven't seen too many drops opened with dialogue on here, and im a huge fan of using dialogue.. well worded.. looking forward to where this goes

She nods, "Yeah, I thought I knew you better than that"
He paused in surprise and up rised the hair on his back
"What's that supposed to mean? I'm focused on stackin green!"
"I know, but we're broke..so, maybe rap is a crackled dream.."

interesting situation, feel the tension build.. not a huge fan of the wording but the conflict is set up well..

"Not saying you have to quit; Shit, do what makes you happy"
"But if losing makes you happy, then you have to adapt to it"
"Instead of acting mad, having fits then snapping at your daughter--"
Before she got any farther, he bashed the wall to stop her

the flow didn't really shine until the last two lines here.. and it was done ok but the whole daughter thing was just thrown in like surprise lol.. think this is an ill concept that could have used more attention

Startled by the sight of his bloodied fist and stained tiles..
She remains quaint and feigns a faint smile
Crimson trickles from his knuckles to a puddle at his feet
He whispers a whim of grief which is muffled as he speaks

nice excerpt here, i enjoyed the read.. second line had an intense use of multiples.. and now im interested in what happens again lol

"Listen baby, I'm quite stressed"--
Then in the middle of his sentence he's given a sliced neck

i mean it works.. but i thought this was way abrupt.. like some description could have been used to build it up.. will not hang on that thought until i've read further..

He turns quickly and slips-instantly splitting his crown
-She crouches down and slits him ear to ear, flipping his frown

i like the flipping the frown.. but i wasn't a huge fan of the rest of the wording like using crown, i just don't dig it much

"They warned me of your temper..I'm noticing now"
"Why so serious, dear? I'm only joking around.."

insane ending.. llol. i love the statement with that last line.. overall you never disappoint as i did enjoy this piece but i feel like a few things were not tightened up or really harped on.. and maybe you could've done a few things differently.. no matter dope ass dialogue too by the way


honestly i will give it to the piece i personally enjoyed more.. you guys both used a different approach and they both were worthy of a read and i thank you both for the read.. as it was a wel invested 30-40 minutes lol

v-xylo

[Exis]

Xylo:

What have you done to me my love i stoicly await an answer
the death dealer necro enhancer lover leave them like cancer

^^I don't like how your words just run into each other , you should show me one day how you can spit half a verse without a breath taken...

Jugular sliced i lay poised in the night i`m a horrible sight
an unthinkable whittler lack of fright im impressed and sold
victim of a serial killer naked body exposed but i`m clothed

^^pretty cool...

My mind implodes shes not a cop but arrested my soul
Daughter of wodes denizen of trolls ire of toads
basher of men loses and then......slasher of throats
Dasher dancer and escaper of gropes basher of hopes

^^I like , wordin' could be tightened but this is tight...

gyroscope last moments eyes reveal a slippery moat
Never trust a female only dressed in a coat
Bare footed and bold shes a sight to behold

^^imagery is slick , good shit...

thought this was a little mixed bag so to speak , word usage at times is just weird...that's in general not specifically this verse.And the way they all just mesh together , like you know...need atleast a comma sometime man?...but then you straighten things and spit some hot bars lol...so yeah fuck what's up there...havin' said that there is some nice imagery here , you have the ability to describe shit well quite vividly...some good multies also even when used in some unusual places...start was coldish and endin' was heat...middle was solid , decent drop from you bro...enjoyed it.

Half:

He reaches to turn a knob..

"Babe, you're always so tense..you never relax"..
He responds slowly - "C'mon, you know me better than that"
She nods, "Yeah, I thought I knew you better than that"
He paused in surprise and up rised the hair on his back

^^chea , that's some niceness right there...simple but effective content wise...tight way to start shit.

Startled by the sight of his bloodied fist and stained tiles..
She remains quaint and feigns a faint smile
Crimson trickles from his knuckles to a puddle at his feet
He whispers a whim of grief which is muffled as he speaks
"Listen baby, I'm quite stressed"--
Then in the middle of his sentence he's given a sliced neck
He turns quickly and slips-instantly splitting his crown
-She crouches down and slits him ear to ear, flipping his frown
"They warned me of your temper..I'm noticing now"
"Why so serious, dear? I'm only joking around.."

^^flames , thought wordin' is hot thru this entire section...multies are well used and I'm lovin' the conversational rhymin' , if that makes sense lol.

great piece...I thought just after what I first quoted up until the second was blah imo , nothin' personal just thought material was bland , especially in comparison to the rest of this.But then bang!...some real dope shit fam...imagery and emotion is nice with some hot multies and just well worded content in general.You told a very descriptive story thru a less is more approach I feel...end result , ill.

enjoyable submissions from both , and my vote is for who's I got the most out of...

vote - Half.

...appreciate y'all votin' on my shit , stay up.

[ReaLyfe]

Xy:

What have you done to me my love i stoicly await an answer
the death dealer necro enhancer lover leave them like cancer
^started off with a lil cliche end-rhyme

Ive been bodied by a mystical dancer an ambush master
i was swift with my right but her scythe was just faster
Jugular sliced i lay poised in the night i`m a horrible sight
^here is where it started up for me...
an unthinkable whittler lack of fright im impressed and sold
victim of a serial killer naked body exposed but i`m clothed
murder not long ago penis still on the bone veins exposed
Strangled by panty hose flem through nose chest with holes
she stands in the mirror breasts exposed my heart explodes
^last line was straight fya
How did she enter my apartment with out door codes
My mind implodes shes not a cop but arrested my soul
^clever
Daughter of wodes denizen of trolls ire of toads
basher of men loses and then......slasher of throats
Dasher dancer and escaper of gropes basher of hopes
I lay paralyzed from the thighs up she now uses ropes
Admires her work as shes attempting to cope
sick with cuts the blood spatters are dope
Human isotope life ebb sinking like a downed periscope
gyroscope last moments eyes reveal a slippery moat
Never trust a female only dressed in a coat
Bare footed and bold shes a sight to behold
sell your soul its told you`ll end up cold
Collecting mold before your old hm!!you never know.

Why am i laying here low with no answer from you?

^and the straight rashed it to the end...

1/2:
He reaches to turn a knob..

"Babe, you're always so tense..you never relax"..
He responds slowly - "C'mon, you know me better than that"
She nods, "Yeah, I thought I knew you better than that"
He paused in surprise and up rised the hair on his back
^love the dialogue
"What's that supposed to mean? I'm focused on stackin green!"
"I know, but we're broke..so, maybe rap is a crackled dream.."
"Not saying you have to quit; Shit, do what makes you happy"
"But if losing makes you happy, then you have to adapt to it"
"Instead of acting mad, having fits then snapping at your daughter--"
Before she got any farther, he bashed the wall to stop her
Startled by the sight of his bloodied fist and stained tiles..
She remains quaint and feigns a faint smile
Crimson trickles from his knuckles to a puddle at his feet
He whispers a whim of grief which is muffled as he speaks
"Listen baby, I'm quite stressed"--
Then in the middle of his sentence he's given a sliced neck
He turns quickly and slips-instantly splitting his crown
-She crouches down and slits him ear to ear, flipping his frown
^clever
"They warned me of your temper..I'm noticing now"
"Why so serious, dear? I'm only joking around.."

^I like your dialogue approach which ran smoothly, but it was sometimes hard to interpret who was speaking at what time, happens all the time in short stories and novels. But you def ran with this picture.



Xy came to the arena with a flow that sucked you into its abstract imagery and just rashed it with the internals and the multis. I expected it to be a decent verse and for 1/2 to rash it right back, but I felt that 1/2 came with a softer approach which when weighed against xy's didn't mean it was worse of a verse, sometimes it is preference. For example, some people like creativity in style more than what you say, vice versa. You def brought it to the table, but I think Xy stepped it up.

V/Xylo

[Kaeo.Seru]

Xylo: the storyline was creative. they way you mad her the killer of you. what would've made it more dope is if you figured a way to present us with the reason why she killed you. or maybe you did that and I missed it. *shrug* although you did great with describing everything with vivid detail i think your rhyme pattern became a little sluggish and too dependant upon the imagery. just wasnt moved by the ways the word flowed together.

1/2 Wit it: thought you had a solid concept to work with. very creative little curve ball here. the idea of domestic violence is quite fresh. 2 things I didnt like though. 1 was the dialogue. it felt forced without enough story to lead up to, or explain the situation. as well as being confusing. like i wasnt too sure at 1st who was speaking all the time. the 2nd thing is just that I've seen you rhyme a lot better and this seemed a little lazy. I mean if you look at the battles of Me-Vs.-You there is definately a difference in your work ethic.


Vote= Xylo
reason- held it together better for me. both were equally creative

[STRONGARM]

3 - 1 Xylo..

[1/2 Wit It]

Okay. Props Xylo!

You can close this Strong.

[STRONGARM]

Xylo Wins..!