Stay Strong!

[Jay-Rede]

http://www.rapflava.com/forums/beaut...st-121341.html (Beauty and the Beast)
http://www.rapflava.com/forums/ode-to-rhyme-121302.html (Ode to Rhyme)

1st written piece in a while

he seen life in a new light, the nights getting darker,
hurt all the time, keeps praying for his father,
cos hes dying of cancer and he cant find the answer,
finds himself doing stupid things, like people at ransom,
he see's his mother downing pills, damn thats a tragedy,
cos he tries them too, has no luck at the academy,
a trainee cop getting fucked up everyday,
and i dont just mean kicked, gets hurt in everyway,
he tries to dodge the punches but the pain soon finds him,
his father tries to help, locks him up and tries to hide him,
hes stressed out now, contemplates leaving the country,
thinks that way "damn they cant confront me",
"but what if they hunt me? then they would crunch me",
gets another smack, begs "i dont want another punch please!!,
he fights for his life as hes taken to casualty,
the bullies just run, then they walk off casually,
hes left on his own with blood dripping from his head,
hes left in a coma, strapped to the hospital bed,
his father would visit, though his cancers getting worse,
he wanted to see his son get better before he entered that hurse,
waiting for his kid, watching the clock and gets chills,
his mother stayed at home, fucked up popping them pills,
dreaming about waking up, and find that gat,
one beep later and his line goes flat

[iLLushun]

ehh this was decent...flow was on point thru the piece, imagery was so-so.i feel you could have put more description and all, more emotion. but this was ok for a first in a while...keep it up

write none stop...get more descriptive and a little more clearer with your ideas...

rtf on my piece


http://www.rapflava.com/forums/sweat...fe-122706.html (Sweat Droplets of Life)

[Joel VeNoM.]

decent shit nah meen fam,most of the flow wu good but could have been betta wit a more improve rhyme scheme...good shit tho...~1~

[Jay-Rede]

thanks for the feed - i will return tha favour

upping

[Omega Def One]

WATS GOOD JAY!!!! i havent heard from you in awhile....nice piece....u've mos def improved from what you used to be(with help from me, lol)stay up and hit me up when you get a chance, ONE!!!

[Jay-Rede]

wassup wizzy, welcome back - thanks for feed, il hit u up soon

upping

[Omega Def One]

HERES THE LINK TO MY FIRST WRITTEN IN AWHILE

http://www.rapflava.com/forums/i-com...ld-122824.html (I Come Apart ft. 4th Child)

[Jay-Rede]

fed

[PURE]

your flow was the best part of this piece. im guessing that would be because your an audio head..anyway, one part i always like about om's is imagery. you had it, but it lacked the substantial amount which hurt your piece a bit. i listened to a few of your tracks and you have emotion, you need to try and incorporate that into your om's. the same goes for description, long pieces are fine, take your time and get down what you want so its done thoroughly with good imagery and clear description. overall though, its not bad.

stay up, peace.

return the feed on Hexane Aura if you have time.

[Jay-Rede]

thanks man, i will feed on yours

- upping

[Unstoppable]

deep shit lil tradegic like the concept flow gets a 6.5/10, Creativity 9/10 cause i almost cried I know heads like that, and thats pretty much it. oh check out 8-2-8 dynasty introductin rain.

[Jay-Rede]

thanks man means alot

- upping