((Schematic)) vs. Jay-Rede -Topical

[Plot]

10-12 bars due Friday, (gettim in before Sat nite know what Im saying)
Check etc...

[Jay-Rede]

check - goodluck man

[Schematic]

Charcoal. Goodluck

[Beyond]

Topic: The Tornado Is Coming

[Jay-Rede]

The Tornado Is Coming

He stayed in his room with nothing in the air,
Laying into and swinging left hooks, and punching thin air,
A timid individual, bright but severed his mind,
Kinda scrawney, alone, there was a Devil inside,
As the jabs got stronger, he was alightened by bliss,
The kid's in his class would all be frightened by this,
A couple months passed he kept his ability flowing,
His muscles stayed the same, without admiting they're growing,
Pumping the iron he was deviding his sin,
And for the rest of the year, he would reside in the gym,
Word spread fast, he was the talk of the school,
Declining all competition, he would walk over this fool,
And when he finaly accepted, and it ceased his mind,
He allowed the growling out of the beast inside,
And then he pointed to the best, and poured out his thoughts,
Of the speech impedement kid, who's words distorts,
"This day is mine, im just letting you remain in it",
"The game is mine, im just letting you play in it!!",
The sponsors rolled in, he was raking the cash,
Pumping the weights, see he was breaking his back,
And he turned to the crowd, when the ring was in reach,
Again he uttered word's in his broken down speach,
"Be very aware, of all, for they know who's coming",
"The best of the best, the Tornado is coming!!"

quickly done, just got in from work and tryna unwind with a couple of cold drinks, - goodluck fam

[Schematic]

Yeah, Rede Ive gotta hella school shit to do this week and im working today but ill write tonight. Nice topic! (Beyond needs to always pick these(Fuck Dam))

[Jay-Rede]

drop when ya ready dude, i aint worrying, just aslong as you show as always i'l be happy
word at topic

*pushes DAM aside*

[Schematic]

- The Tornado Incoming -

A steaming figure of gleaming rings, and seething rage
eyes sheened with anger, cleaning blades with a bleedy page
Made Legend on the field, shone like eleven golden shields
a set of folded steel leggings, and weapons molded wield
With a step of bolted heavy, ready soldiers brigger boots
hell send your soul to heaven, steady throwin blizzard moves
Better known as the weather man, he lead a bold path
through winters cold and never slowed to feed the wolf pack
Tracked from sub arctic, encrusted his cold hearted tact
gust swept attacks with swirling winds and full shards of glass
Whirling past, he could give a sterling guard a heart attack
his furious words sharp as axe and hard as hardened tacks,
Fully armed flowing garb, and glowing armors to match
he could blow an arctic blast or turn a harbor to harmless trash
A gale breeze, hail and sleet reincarnated wailing beast
a pale mass, meeting armys with winds from the prevailing east
A daily feast of brains and teeth made him deranged and sweet
he arranges the remaining pieces in arrays of blades and feet
Your gazes meet, mask crumbled away, but he suddenly raged
the rumble sprayed thunderous waves of wonderous rays
Steady to brace, fleeings a waste like you running in place
study the reddening blaze and wonder: Is it coming this way?


(Called into work)

[Xylo]

Jay you stole my idea i would have done the boxing angle my self
Make sure you proof read your verse line by line to make any grammar corrections. (for example)
"As the jabs got stronger, he was alightened by bliss, (enlightened)
The kid's in his class would all be frightened by this,"
Keep it tight! Jay

The few errors you had actually caused the verses fluidity to suffer a little.
other than that Nice job!

My favorite from you was this
"Pumping the iron he was deviding his sin,
And for the rest of the year, he would reside in the gym,
Word spread fast, he was the talk of the school,
Declining all competition, he would walk over this fool,"
extremely nice.

Scheme your verse was a little shakey in the first 2 lines but after that you came alive up untill the completion.

After reading Jays piece as if it had no grammar errors it actually was really deep and well thought out but the end was a bit predictable and could have be flipped a different way.


Schematics word play and multie combos made his verse seem like it stood out more to me.

My favorite from you was.

"his furious words sharp as axe and hard as hardened tacks,
Fully armed flowing garb, and glowing armors to match
he could blow an arctic blast or turn a harbor to harmless trash
A gale breeze, hail and sleet reincarnated wailing beast
a pale mass, meeting armys with winds from the prevailing east
A daily feast of brains and teeth made him deranged and sweet
he arranges the remaining pieces in arrays of blades and feet
Your gazes meet, mask crumbled away, but he suddenly raged
the rumble sprayed thunderous waves of wonderous rays
Steady to brace, fleeings a waste like you running in place
study the reddening blaze and wonder: Is it coming this way?"
Nice work !



So with that i will vote for

SCHEMATIC!


Good Job fellas

[Schematic]

Upped.

[Jay-Rede]

thanks for the vote xy, was keyed kinda in like 5 mins, but all respect to schem

uppppp

[Schematic]

Slow week...

[Criticize]

jay rede this was actualy pretty cool i didnt think you where a good writer, but you proved me wrong with this one, you attacked the topical from a very unique and cool perspective.
now your lines werent that HOTT but you had the flow down and kept the story going well when everything is put into persepctive, was a good verse man, all you needed was something to WOW me, a couple of sick lines or what i dont know, it was good but their was just something missing for it to be NICE.


Schematic you always have this weird way of appoaching topicals, and sometimes i think you get off track realisticaly and seem a litle off i thought the same at the opening of your verse but you gota it back on track in the last half of your verse. yea you know the best part of your versses are the multi's and smooth flowing rhymes with some ok imagery thrown in here and there.



this is a close as fuck battle...i liked jay redes approach to the topical better, but i liked schematics actualy verse better as in with more multis and a more TEXTUAL piece..
whoever loses can feel hard done by, id vote for a draw but if you force me to stick my balls on the chopping block id give it to schematic in a 51% vs 49% win.
so yea jay if you had as i said 1 or 2 things that WOW'D me you would have taken this.

Vote-schematic JUSTTTT!!

[Jay-Rede]

^ thanks alot dude... props to schem..

2-0 schem

upping

[Thanatoid]

honestly i have to agree w/ the other 2 voters on thier vote.
i just think that Rede's verse seemed rushed. meta's where not all on point.
seriously think Schem took this hands down. his meta's 'painted a picture'.
-nuff sed.

if u really want me to break it down then let me kno.
but my vote goes to Schem