Schematic vs. ((7th Crescent)) - Topical

[Noggah]

10-15 bars... please show and vote...
Check with opponent before doing more bars...


Verses due Friday Dec 28th...


Topic - "Past the Point of No Return"

[Schematic]

Check check.

[7th Crescent]

check

[Schematic]

Ill be done by tomorrow... Hope thats ok.

[7th Crescent]

Harlequin Narcissist

What you call conceit and vanity…is my gravity..
often keeping manic feet planted deep in sanity..
Your talk is cheap, demanding me to prove it as well..
You all can eat me for assuming I’m consumed in myself..
I used to be the dude who was foolishly dwelling..
in a daze confused maze of rules you would sell me..
And I bought it, seeking solid direction..
until knocking my head on walls of opinions blocking the exits..
Hence, the moment of breakthrough; a conception of thought..
Confidence fed by the placenta of heart..
For those thinking I’m self-centered, I’m not that..
It’s just the voice of hypocrites can’t stretch to where I’m at..
I speak of a celestial plane.. folded in memory: space..
In the past, I used to ingest what you say.. whole..digest it for days
Even my origin is often conveyed, as a box that contains innocence locked in a grave.
You act like you’re the trees charred by an arsonist;
laughing and gawking at what you call me – the Harlequin Narcissist.

I’m a pompous prick?!? Toss that fib on the shelf..
along with the notion I think I’m a god’s gift to himself..
While you’re roasting my image; casting stones; chastising me..
all your decisions are chaperoned by society...
If my head’s in the clouds, it’s really silly laughing at me..
when I’ve gotten there on the wings of individuality..
If I’m wrapped within myself ..making the smallest package..
I’m also blanketed from hell to escape it’s appalling status..
So while you think you’re safe in all of your cautiousness..
I’m Past The Point of Now Return..I don’t mind being your Harlequin Narcissist.

Well, who’s laughing now?

[Schematic]

"I would save you my Son,
If you were ever in danger I would save you from the slums,
I am ashamed to say that I have strayed from your love.
Since you were young youd always been an angel and some,
All ive ever dreamt was to watch you age and become...
The greater of our sums, Somehow we Two used to make One,
But I fear it may be too late to take back what ive done.
So I write as fast I can with the fading sun,
I pray and such, but since your mom left us.... God aint been sayin much
I heard you been staying up with gangs affairs,
please be careful, I know the streets are tough, but hang in there.
Now I must say one day that ive done us both wrong,
I drove you too strong knowing there were no roads to go along.
On a path through life, with drugs and crime on the map
but our Love was the pack that we shrugged on our backs
And I hold hope that we can struggle pasts the rough patches
the steep slopes and tough passes through our dusty passage.
Ill pick you up at the bus station at Platform Two
I bought a flat, and we can take that vacation to Baton Rouge.
I missed you bad, when you called me i was shocked,
You sound just like a man, but you still called me Pop's..."

An unread letter from a father to his son, who was shot days before.

[Xylo]

basically this was straight murderation!

7th was very deep and i think his metaphorical use was pretty tight he came from the heart in this one i just fealt it.
schemes piece was cool after the begining but it wasnt enough to eclipse 7ths crescent moon!
bets lines :If my head’s in the clouds, it’s really silly laughing at me..
when I’ve gotten there on the wings of individuality..
If I’m wrapped within myself ..making the smallest package..
I’m also blanketed from hell to escape it’s appalling status..
and
Hence, the moment of breakthrough; a conception of thought..
Confidence fed by the placenta of heart..
For those thinking I’m self-centered, I’m not that..
It’s just the voice of hypocrites can’t stretch to where I’m at..
I speak of a celestial plane.. folded in memory: space..
In the past, I used to ingest what you say.. whole..digest it for days


Both those segments were incredibly strong and visual!
Vote 7th

[Schematic]

I thought this was a topical.

[7th Crescent]

..not sure what your getting at Scheme?..

[Exis]

mwhahaha , 7th...he wouldn't even know what the fuck he on about...this is a free post so delete away...just wanted to say he's wack...fuck knows how he got a mentor position to move me in the direction of forward...when I am yet to see ANYTHING that matches mine...lol too funny son!...

[Pembroke]

^Ex, keep that out of the battle league, come on now. I think he was wondering why Xylo didn't break down his verse along with 7th's.. equal explanation in voting is mandatory.

7th Crescent - You are, without a doubt, the rookie of the year. This verse was sensational, and by far your best lyrical performance to date from what I've read. The theme of it just worked effortlessly, bound together by the catchy title phrase. Excellent writing.. you're making your uncle beam. Half Wit it and you have similar styles..

Hence, the moment of breakthrough; a conception of thought..
Confidence fed by the placenta of heart..
^Damn.

Two errors:

along with the notion I think I’m a god’s gift to himself..
^Take out the 'a'

I’m Past The Point of Now Return..I don’t mind being your Harlequin Narcissist.
^No*

Schematic - I also became engrossed in your verse.. the character situation of a father and a son, the father writing a letter that will go forever unread.. a letter to settle all differences between maker and the produced. Unity. You maintained an evenly developed rhyme scheme with a temperately intriguing collection of ideas concerning the storyline. There weren't any dramatic variations of the flow signifying a passionate voice so it read calmly and decisively.. good job.

This has potential of being meal of the week, if there are enough completed battles to even give out that award..

You've both become werewolves.. but can you surpass the mammoths?

v/ 7th

Stay up

[7th Crescent]

the vote was for whom?

thanks for the feed Pem

[Beyond]

7th Crescent: Rookie of the year, indeed. Your strengths were your metaphores and your rhyming. Your metaphores were impressive throughout and what really defined your verse. Your rhyming was superb and much improved from what I've read from you in the past. The consistency of this verse was top notch. Overall, a very good verse, Crescent.

Schematic: You should've also won an award this year. Your strengths were the same as Crescent's for the most part, which isn't a good thing here. Your metaphores didn't quite match up with Crescent's here and your rhyming wasn't as consistent. You switched up your style for this battle and it showed. You came much more calm here.

Overall: I see this as a pretty decisive win for Crescent. They both came with the same kind of verse (not taking the topic into account), but Crescent's was better. His metaphores and rhyming was superior to that of Schematic's. Schematic, you didn't come with the same constant rhyming style here. I'm not saying that you came worse than I've seen you come, but I'm just noting that I noticed the style change up. Lines a little longer than usual, ect. Crescent also came with a bit longer verse, which played a factor in this. Good battle, fellas. Hope to read more from you two in the future.

Vote: 7th Crescent