Open Mic Belt: Tha Titan vs. ((Tyrant.))

[STRONGARM]

12 Bars Due Friday 08/29. Vote on other Battles..!

[tha titan]

check check

good luck

[Tyrant.]

aight check

gl fam

[tha titan]

trapped inside this heart shaped box where pins pierce the surface
my skins crying, nervous, kinda feel my worth is worthless....
a bruised ego....mental lapse into the deep dark labyrinth
as my mind leaves my body and becomes its own entity....
I've now lost my identity and cant be recognized amongst the living
am i dead? or am i just simply spread out on this bloodied up rose bed
with a crown of thorns on my head... bleeding to death holding on to my very last breath...
I'm a bearer of bad addiction and self infliction.....
i hold the cross close to my heart ready for my crucifixion...
to say I'm self centered.........now thats a contradiction
a misconception of my own varied perception...
I've no idea where my voice is...it's lost inside this keyboard
and these buttons i press are a flesh filled resource...
i cant escape my fatal fate....as i stand at the pearly gates....
i look up for a sign that will change my dark mistakes.....
but no sign will come for on this earth i walk with the sun...
on a land of nothingness.....like this planet has just begun...


sorry its a little shorter than i would have liked but i was in a rush
sorry man

goodluck

[Tyrant.]

Matched his 8

A mind in abyss anticipating death's kiss
Life just an unfinished list in endless conflicts to exist
No comprehension deep within the complexion
Searching for ascension but mislead is the direction
Darkness holds no illumination to see the abrasions
Only sensation found is pain, it seeks retaliation
Illusions or real visions, there is no true depiction
It feels the incisions where mind and body is in collision
A soul searches for intrusion but no treatment is infused
The confused body is broken and abused
Life is thin ice kept held tight, gripped in a vice
Outside they fight to entice... To force in the light
Stubborn is the mind, its twist tied and hard to unwind
Deep in sublime so no single focus aligned
Scared in its confines my brain turns foe…
Lying in this hospital bed too deep in comatose…

[STRONGARM]

Deciding vote here:



tha titan

a bruised ego....mental lapse into the deep dark labyrinth

There's no rhyme connection here to the next bar

i cant escape my fatal fate....as i stand at the pearly gates....
i look up for a sign that will change my dark mistakes.....

The "Pearly Gates" are IN Heaven.. if you were already IN Heaven why would you look "up".!?

There were some serious flaws in your verse. You tried some multis which helped, but it would help more if you tried multi-syllable rhymes instead. For example:

I'm a bearer of bad addiction and self infliction.....
i hold the cross close to my heart ready for my crucifixion...
to say I'm self centered.........now thats a contradiction
a misconception of my own varied perception...

Every single word you used for a multi only rhymes at the last syllable: Diction, Fliction, Fixion, Diction, and then the last 2 words you used the same exact ending syllable "Ception" so that doesn't even rhyme.

Overall: Average Open Mic. Nothing spectacular but it wasn't complete garbage. I see potential, you just have a lot of rough edges that need to be smoothed over. Keep writing..!



Tyrant.

I liked the concept. Liked the Flow for the most part (some bars seemed overly short). But to be honest.. I have the same problem with your verse as I do with titan's: The majority of your rhymes use just the last syllable for multis. Seems forced like you're throwing in whatever word remotely sounds the same for the sake of padding your verse with multis. I think you did a better job of doing that than tha titan, but still it's very basic and shows a lack of rhyming skill. The biggest thing that seperated your verse from titan, for me was the narrative. There wasn't as many flaws (like the ones I pointed out in titans verse) and it was cohesive. I kinda guessed at the ending while reading it.. I was wrong. lol. I thought you were copying titan's approach.. but in the end it's 2 completely different Topics.

Overall: Decent. I liked your verse more STRICTLY compared to tha titan's, on it's own I really didn't think it was all that great and I've seen better from you.


MY VOTE = Tyrant.





1 - 0.. Tyrant. Wins..!