OM1: Tha Titan vs Jay Rede (Tha Titan Wins)

[HellRazor]

10 Bars Due Friday (Extensions Granted Upon Request til 08/16). Vote on other Battles..!




I know it says OM1 and you have a topical, but...I know...

[tha titan]

checkin in

when do we get a topic?

cool got it hahahahaha

http://www.rapflava.com/forums/lw-ti...es-140242.html



as i stand here victorious...amongst this bloody mess...
the smell of rot and decay in the air filling up my chest...
i choose to speak out loud now or forever hold my peace...
THIS BOOK IN MY HAND REPRESENTS THOSE DECEASED...
those that died on this day will be in remembrance....
and those who survived....will always be honored...
through all the screams and dust and debris.......
we have fought a war that will make our country free...
this is history for our future...the children of tomorrow,
no more will we live in sorrow or sit in silence....
no more will we use violence in a terrorizing manner
and as i uphold this star spangled banner we feel proud...
as the clouds clear the sky,and we took our vow not to cry
of those that have past on... we just remain strong
and live on knowing we did our duty to the fullest...
we did take bullets and we did witness death...
but we are men first and foremost.. and we have our pride left...
so as we leave this battlefield...all bloodied and bruised...
with wounds that tell a story so gory you feel confused..
i will wave our flag above my head and state this proudly....
WE ARE BUT MEN........BUT MEN WE ARE!

yo jay goodluck man i quickly wrote this coz im goin away for a bit and wont make it back in time if i didnt write it now so goodluck shouldnt be to hard to top and ill see how it pans out when i get back poooice

[Jay-Rede]

That Letter That They Feard: DeJaVous!

He Stood Tall, With His Troops Pacing To The Battle Field,
Standing Proud, Anticipating, Standing With A Bat And Shield,
Soldiers Screaming Loud, They Just Wanting To Be Heard,
Wives Waiting At Home, For That Letter That They Feared,
"Stand Tall My Men, And On My Command We Will Fire",
With One Shot Into The Crowd, Built A Burning Desire,
"CHARGE" He Screamed, They Ran As The Wind Blew The Hats Off,
Guns Banging Through, The Corp Had Told His Troops To Back Off,
"Theres No Going Back Sir" Announced The Second Man Incharge,
"Lets Keep Running Now, And When You Hit, Hit Them Hard,
Body's Piled Up, They Covered Noses From The Smell Of Rotted Flesh,
He Turned His Back On His Men, The Ones That Tried To Stop His Death,
He Fled From The Field, One Down.. They Had They're Pride,
No Other Left To Help, One By One, The Soldiers Died..
Hundreds Of Years Later, De Ja Vous The People Sensed..
Bush Dictating "WAR", And To The People Made No Sense,
Iraq Pushing Terror, No Way Out, They Had To Fight,
With The Feeling In They're Head, Kids Dying This Aint Right,
Soldiers Screaming Loud, They Just Wanting To Be Heard,
Wives Waiting At Home, For That Letter That They Feared..


Goodluck Titan

[1/2 Wit It]

tha titan;

as i stand here victorious...amongst this bloody mess...
the smell of rot and decay in the air filling up my chest...
i choose to speak out loud now or forever hold my peace...
THIS BOOK IN MY HAND REPRESENTS THOSE DECEASED...

Yes, this opener was proper..very coherent with the pic as well as attention-grabbing

through all the screams and dust and debris.......
we have fought a war that will make our country free...

Subtle..but the rhyme's slightly off

this is history for our future...the children of tomorrow,
no more will we live in sorrow or sit in silence....
no more will we use violence in a terrorizing manner
and as i uphold this star spangled banner we feel proud...
as the clouds clear the sky,and we took our vow not to cry
of those that have past on... we just remain strong

I thought this section was very interesting..Can't really catch a rhyme scheme until the last two bars, yet I didn't really get bored..In fact I was rather intrigued to read on.

WE ARE BUT MEN........BUT MEN WE ARE!

Indeed.

Overall; your verse read like a speech to me, which is great given the image. For the majority of this read I felt like I was actually apart of this event, so that was impressive. Your verse held together nicely, although I felt you began to drift alittle towards the end..Your closer needed more energy. Other than that I can say that I enjoyed this piece. Can't say that it was excellent, but it captured my imagination. Good work man.

Jay-Rede;

"Stand Tall My Men, And On My Command We Will Fire",
With One Shot Into The Crowd, Built A Burning Desire,
"CHARGE" He Screamed, They Ran As The Wind Blew The Hats Off,
Guns Banging Through, The Corp Had Told His Troops To Back Off,
"Theres No Going Back Sir" Announced The Second Man Incharge,
"Lets Keep Running Now, And When You Hit, Hit Them Hard,

Simplistic, so this portion of the story read smoothly..Really digging the last bar

Body's Piled Up, They Covered Noses From The Smell Of Rotted Flesh,
He Turned His Back On His Men, The Ones That Tried To Stop His Death,

Rhymes nicely..

Body's Piled Up, They Covered Noses From The Smell Of Rotted Flesh,
He Turned His Back On His Men, The Ones That Tried To Stop His Death,

Almost gives a 'full circle' approach to the story..but I must say that I hate the way this rhymes..

Overall; I felt that you really struggled with this verse Jay..you didn't have anything that really caught my attention..The story was pretty dull for the most part so it was hard for me to stay interested. Maybe this piece was rushed..I don't know. It was just too simple; not enough creativity. Decent attempt man.

Vote - tha titan..I thought his verse was more enjoyable based on the way the story was told..Glad that both took their own approach to the pic, but I think that titan's was the more impactful of the two..Props to both for showing. Peace

[Royal Rapptress]

Hmm both of these were good in their own way.


Titan - Yours really fit the picture. I can get the same visual by reading yours. Good job capturing the theme.

"through all the screams and dust and debris.......
we have fought a war that will make our country free...
this is history for our future...the children of tomorrow,
no more will we live in sorrow or sit in silence....
no more will we use violence in a terrorizing manner
and as i uphold this star spangled banner we feel proud...
as the clouds clear the sky,and we took our vow not"

Jay - You focused more on you rhyming. Not a bad thing (i do myself) but this was a challenge was more-so about visualization rather than flow skill or rhyme technique and I think this hurt your verse. IMO You did well but just not the right formula for this format.

"'CHARGE" He Screamed, They Ran As The Wind Blew The Hats Off,
Guns Banging Through, The Corp Had Told His Troops To Back Off,
"Theres No Going Back Sir" Announced The Second Man Incharge,
"Lets Keep Running Now, And When You Hit, Hit Them Hard,
Body's Piled Up, They Covered Noses From The Smell Of Rotted Flesh,
He Turned His Back On His Men, The Ones That Tried To Stop His Death"

V= Titan

Nice job by both!

[Ayeronik]

I agree with Royal the victor is Titan

[Jay-Rede]

^ no noob votes.. 2-0 props titan

[Pembroke]

Titan, your verse was commendably presented as the words of a patriotic soldier.. one whose sense of identity is the exaggeration of size in the painting, in a way.. he's not a literal giant, his capabilities on the battlefield for his people are just gigantic. I liked the verse as a whole.. when the rhyme scheme was caught, I was catching onto your theme a lot more smoothly. One of the most impressive verses I've read from you so far..

Rede, I don't know why you started rhyming with all capital letters but it's not really a good look, dude.. you're at one of the mid-stages in elevating your storytelling and rhyme schemes.. I notice in parts of your verses there's a portion of nice content and content trying to maintain itself. You leaned a little too hard on the double rhyming.. example would be "heard" rhyming with feared" which doesn't rhyme.. good effort on your part though.

v/ tha titan

He had this one in the star spangled bag..

Stay up to both

[Jay-Rede]

Damnn.. 3 - 0

pem, my accent makes me say heard the same as feared.. but i understand where your coming from dude.. yeah i wrote this quick cos i was on my way to work, but no excuses i should have come much harder.. and Titans verse was cool, maybe next week i'l have more time on my hands..

wish i never left for those 2 months.. damn, i was beating the likes of Typhris and shit back then!!

cool battle titan

[tha titan]

wow thanks for the battle i did enjoy it good verse reed unlucky this time but im sure we will meet again my man

poice

ohhhh and do i just wait now for my next battle to be posted up?

[Jay-Rede]

^ goodluck in future rounds dude

[HellRazor]

3-0 Titan wins good showing thanks!!