OM1: Jay-Rede vs. ((Schematic))

[STRONGARM]

10 Bars Due Friday 08/29. Vote on other Battles..!

[Jay-Rede]

2 Days In The Sun

Sweat Pouring Down, The Day Was Steaming, Scorching Hot,
One Look In The Distance, Caught A Glimpse Then Storming Off,
T'was Twighlight In The Dessert, But No Sign Of Night As Yet,
And The Tricks Came, A Mirage, A Deep Stream To Get Him Wet,
A Disapointment, Cruel Minds Play Cruel Intentions On The Brain,
A Frown Formed, Looking At Pool Dimensions That Were Plain,
Nothing, He Kicked A Pile Of Sand With The Greatest Of Effort,
The Guilty Thoughts, Thirst Was Powering, He Placed It Much Better,
The Night Fell, He Heard The Cries Of The Restless Coyotes,
And His Troubled Mind Made Him Scream "Please Dont Provoke Me",
Such A Heated Day, Turned To A Freezing Cold Night,
Covering His Body With Sand, And Keeping Hold With His Might
The Sand Was Stopping His Breath, Kept Blowing To His Respiritory,
The Dessert Is A Death Trap, Night And Day Are Like Symertry,
Again The Morning Arrived, His Breath Was Lost Once One More Time,
The Heat Travelled Back, "Lord Please Throw Me A Sign",
And His Eyes Rolled Back, The Vultures Surrounded A Circle,
He Looked At Them All, To Think How To Get Over This Hurdle,
And In A Blink Of His Mind, His Life Flashed Right Through With Stress,
Then A Blackout, Dented, Just The Faint Stench Of Death...

Goodluck Schem

[Schematic]

(I recommend the "Boom" instrumental by DJ premier)
Ahem

Lets reiterate why im dope, weve known it for centuries.
I obliterate fine folks to ensure you dont mention me.
He sought the flame - just to find theres a colder mission,
With binary solar systems as my primary soul of wisdom.
I draw visions in a song just as vivid as this,
That living's a gift driven by our rhythm and lips.
Im as real as it gets, the zeal of this lyricist sits
A couple miles from the Nile near some pyramid glyphs.
The spines thickened steel bars, try rippin me apart.
You aint even a page in my novel, just an ear mark.
Minds sick and pure dark, the rhymes split then sear scars.
And once the fission sparks quick bind with a near star.
With a style derived from pride, Myth, and sheer force,
Earth, Wind, Fire, and five different sphere cores.
Wanna hear more? Im feared more than fierce hordes are.
The war boss, You know Ill go harder than porn stars.
Wanna know what the Matic know? You just askem:
"Ive seen the fuckin grasses grow to a guns anthem."
And yall stretch for words so bad it blows my brain,
While i stay wondering why you tryna elevate your yoga game...

Ill vote for the other battles after work.

[Pembroke]

Jay-Rede - Stop Typing In All Capital Letters Like This, Rede.. Seriously. Why So Serious? Cause I'm Just Serious Goddamnit. It was a decent verse, I think you were really struggling to try and make the images unique and to make us feel the heat.. but simple metaphors like "lord give me a sign" and already used before concepts like "How do I get over this hurdle?" kind of dilute the verse's contents and give it a dull aftereffect. Idea was quality.. how you wrote it was lax. I'm gonna blame it on the capital letter trend you've been practicing for awhile now.. abandon it. Let your true voice come through and MAKE us taste the desert surface on a throat dry enough to start a sandpaper business.

Sweat Pouring Down, The Day Was Steaming, Scorching Hot,
One Look In The Distance, Caught A Glimpse Then Storming Off,
T'was Twighlight In The Dessert, But No Sign Of Night As Yet,
^Wait.. so it was just scorching day in the first line and then it's twilight? Twilight is like night.. the word gives off a cool, dark kind of feeling.. didn't fit here.

Covering His Body With Sand, And Keeping Hold With His Might
^By the way.. 1. It's not wise to use sand as a blanket and 2. The desert grows cold at night. The sense of time unfolding in the verse was unclear.. almost rushed into a hectic jumble of sensations and turns of event.

Schematic - Skimaskaddict.

You killed it.. I could quote the entire verse. Dope showing from you.. I don't really have much to say, you let off the nozzle on this one with your signature style and cleanly aimed fibercluster black hole bomb concoctions.. whatever you use as weaponry in your lyrics..

v/ Schematic

Let's get this topical division back to it's MONSTROUS STATE..

Stay up to both

[Schematic]

Thanks for voting!

Need more...

[King M.C]

Sweat Pouring Down, The Day Was Steaming, Scorching Hot,
One Look In The Distance, Caught A Glimpse Then Storming Off,
ok, nice way to open
T'was Twighlight In The Dessert, But No Sign Of Night As Yet,
And The Tricks Came, A Mirage, A Deep Stream To Get Him Wet,
dont like this
A Disapointment, Cruel Minds Play Cruel Intentions On The Brain,
A Frown Formed, Looking At Pool Dimensions That Were Plain,
no
Nothing, He Kicked A Pile Of Sand With The Greatest Of Effort,
The Guilty Thoughts, Thirst Was Powering, He Placed It Much Better,
nice, both lines are coherent with each other
The Night Fell, He Heard The Cries Of The Restless Coyotes,
And His Troubled Mind Made Him Scream "Please Dont Provoke Me",
nah
Such A Heated Day, Turned To A Freezing Cold Night,
Covering His Body With Sand, And Keeping Hold With His Might
no
The Sand Was Stopping His Breath, Kept Blowing To His Respiritory,
The Dessert Is A Death Trap, Night And Day Are Like Symertry,
dont rhyme,but i like 2nd line
Again The Morning Arrived, His Breath Was Lost Once One More Time,
The Heat Travelled Back, "Lord Please Throw Me A Sign",
ok
And His Eyes Rolled Back, The Vultures Surrounded A Circle,
He Looked At Them All, To Think How To Get Over This Hurdle,
no
And In A Blink Of His Mind, His Life Flashed Right Through With Stress,
Then A Blackout, Dented, Just The Faint Stench Of Death...
decent closer


vs


Lets reiterate why im dope, weve known it for centuries.
I obliterate fine folks to ensure you dont mention me.
not feeling
He sought the flame - just to find theres a colder mission,
With binary solar systems as my primary soul of wisdom.
i like
I draw visions in a song just as vivid as this,
That living's a gift driven by our rhythm and lips.
ok
Im as real as it gets, the zeal of this lyricist sits
A couple miles from the Nile near some pyramid glyphs.
ok, 1st line could have been more creative
The spines thickened steel bars, try rippin me apart.
You aint even a page in my novel, just an ear mark.
i guess
Minds sick and pure dark, the rhymes split then sear scars.
And once the fission sparks quick bind with a near star.
nice
With a style derived from pride, Myth, and sheer force,
Earth, Wind, Fire, and five different sphere cores.
nah
Wanna hear more? Im feared more than fierce hordes are.
The war boss, You know Ill go harder than porn stars.
nah
Wanna know what the Matic know? You just askem:
"Ive seen the fuckin grasses grow to a guns anthem."
ok
And yall stretch for words so bad it blows my brain,
While i stay wondering why you tryna elevate your yoga game...
nah

JayRede:This was one of the better verses I've seen from you
but still I think theres room for improvement. For insistence,
You said: A Disapointment, Cruel Minds Play Cruel Intentions On The Brain,
I say: A disapointment, cruel minds "have" cruel intentions for the brain.
its mess ya flow up and plays a part on the reader's delight.

Schematicjust nice verse from you, not anything extraordinary, but
some pretty decent setups in there.

vote:Schematic

[Jay-Rede]

Thanks Pem and thanks King

[STRONGARM]

2 - 0 Schematic Wins..!