((Drei)) vs. Thanatoid -Topical

[Noggah]

10-12 bars, if you plan on going over, check with your opponent first...

Verses due Thursday... so if your in the AOM u have an extra day...


Topic: to be submitted in here by DAM

[DAM]

Topic:

The Drought

[Thanatoid]

((EDIT))
.
.
'oh nex thurs...


check....

[anier lexa.]

eeeeeeeeeeeen.

[Thanatoid]

no rain for days, and on the farm theres no water
days go by, continuously getting hotter
the earth crumbles and cracks, turns to clay
the water evaporates, its not raining today
the droughts so bad my crops feel the pain
talking amongst each other, 'why wont it rain?'
the tears from their eyes, burns the leaves quicker
the depression eating me alive, so is the liquor
the corn beginning to pop, they feeling the heat
not wanting to lay down and admit their defeat
i hear their whispers, screams, and shouts
it's been ninety nine days talking about drought
their leaves withered and dried, they dither* and sigh
feel like the snake in the grass, come slither and die
the locust thrive from my pain, reading my thoughts
as the plants rot, bugs start eating my crops
as we say our prayers, and all try to reason
i'll miss u my friends, until the next season
BECAUSE........................................... ...
with mouthes to feed and money to ration
i cant quit the industry farmings my passion


*dither - to act nervously


.
.
.
Love,
Thanny <3

[anier lexa.]

the streets keep on crying and my needs keep dividing
we never really know the next rainfall till the phoenix bleed out and rising
off its ashes, pass the cracks and the heroine addicts
just static, everytime i spoke words all you heard was madness
up in 16th, they tote guns, provoke nuns. My thoughts numb
I witness children cut open for blood and off hope runs
and this is what it is, we dry in soceity - we prayin for storms
my face in stalls, they talkin shit and desperate waving no cause
it aint about the floods anymore, or lands we destroyed
every struggle is human and made man into this toy
every action's for profit, hard as a rock.. this is my december
realer than ur face in terror, we just inflicted.. remember?

Holler.gluck.
12 bizzars..

[Kaeo Seru]

they meant 12 "text bars" which = 24 lines...

[Noggah]

to the top

[Plot]

please vote

[HellRazor]

2 different approaches to a common topic....

Oxygen...Took the Common route.....Still done nicely with the little narrative feel. The Flow was nice, but I feel as though you forced some of your rhymes....Water/Hotter and Thought/crop doesn't rhyme or at least in my accent it doesnt...lol The content came a little played...some of your wording was refreshing, but I don't feel as though you...your wrote about A DROUGHT, but you didnt WRITE about THE DROUGHT....eh.....

Drei....Nice imagery....I honestly liked how your first 4 lines set the tone for the rest of that short ass topical...lol, you took the topic of the drought and didn't necessarily limit it to crops but related it to Famine as a whole, and this relation is what enabled you to display your imagery and make the reader WANNA read...it kept me interested, and thats what sets your piece apart from Oxys, nice approach....content was on point..

V/ Drei.....decent battle....

[Noggah]

this was a nice topical showing from the both of you.... since i havent read much or only read or heard one thing... i was impressed by both of ya'lls verses....



Than - came with a real nice story... imagery was on point... really evoked the emotion of the drought and all the bad stuff it caused... but you wouldnt let it get you down for long even tho it would be a hard hit at the moment... flow was off and on, so that could've probably be tightened up... i think you really got the point of view down and gave us a wide circumference of what was going down...


the tears from their eyes, burns the leaves quicker
the depression eating me alive, so is the liquor
the corn beginning to pop, they feeling the heat
not wanting to lay down and admit their defeat
i hear their whispers, screams, and shouts
it's been ninety nine days talking about drought

i really liked that whole portion...

beginning was a little simplistic, but rounded it off nicely... the bad thing was i pretty much knew where u were going to take this as soon as i saw how you were approaching it... all in all, i still enjoyed it and it was pretty solid...



Drei - i thought you came with a real solid drop too... a little more poetic with it and brought a broad, wide range of metaphorical aspects of drought.... but in that, you still tied it all together with societies problems and had real good imagery in those tie-ins as well... you really crammed a lot into such a small amount of bars... i think it was real tight... and really had everything necessary......


up in 16th, they tote guns, provoke nuns. My thoughts numb
I witness children cut open for blood and off hope runs
and this is what it is, we dry in soceity - we prayin for storms
my face in stalls, they talkin shit and desperate waving no cause
it aint about the floods anymore, or lands we destroyed
every struggle is human and made man into this toy

that was just crazy... i liked pretty much the whole thing... just didnt want to repost your entire verse...



so overall - i thought both came nicely, but Drei kind of did more with the topic and had a more metaphorical side to it... the imagery by both was just intense... but i gotta

Vote - Drei

[Beyond]

Thanatoid: Pretty decent drop here, Ox. Not too much to be said, you took the topic in the predictable direction. Some good imagery and emotion in a few places. The structure and flow were solid considering your bar length. Overall, a pretty solid drop, but nothing too eye-catching, just standard throughout.

Anier Lexa: Solid drop as well. Started off pretty good with the rhyming and such. Took the topic less literal than Oxygen. Came with a more intricate verse here as far as rhyme schemes go. You took your approach in a more grand scale direction. I didn't like the last bar, seemed like it could have been tightened or something.

Overall: I'm going to have to give it to Anier Lexa. Both verses were solid, but hers was taken in a less literal direction and as a result turned out to be the more interesting drop. She also had the funner rhyme scheme and such. More twists and turns in her writing made for a more enjoyable read as well.

Vote: Anier Lexa