"Confessional"

[STRONGARM]

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned... It's been 10 years since my last confession."
"What sins do you wish to confess today my son?" I gathered my thoughts, and answered him. "I murdered a man, father." The silence was both appropriate and expected.

"Murder is the greatest sin you can commit my son." This wasn't news to me. I was raised in a very religious family. Church every Sunday and choir practice 3 days a week since I was eight years old. In my youth I probably wore a suit more than most men will in their entire lives. I loved God. And God loved me.. so I thought. "I know father, but this man was a sinner too. I know in my heart his death was the will of God." "My son, God does not wish death upon any living soul. To even think that would be a sin, in and of itself." I could hear the firmness in his voice, even through the partition screen separating us.

"Tell me why you committed this terrible sin my son." I was more than willing. A sin is only a sin if the sinner is aware that he has indeed, sinned. Ignorance is bliss. Revelation is damning. I began to tell the priest about my child hood and my time in church. The more I told, the more I felt my burden lifted off my chest like a phoenix. My guilt. My shame. All burned away. And in it's place, rising out of the ashes a glorious new me. The me I should have become, before my innocence was taken from me. That single instance.. would turn me into the man that stands here now. A murderer.

I told the priest when I was 14 a man molested me after church service in one of the bathrooms. I didn't understand what was going on but I knew it wasn't right. "I was lost after that father. I felt dead inside. And I wished for my death on the outside too." "You tried to commit suicide my son?" "Yes." Another sin to add to my resume. My parents had no clue as to the hell I was suffering in. I never told a soul. I was placed into a mental facility for a year and a half. It was there that I learned the truth.

"I know now it wasn't my fault. It was his. I was innocent, and that man was the sinner. Not me... not me." "We can't pass judgment on our fellow man, my son. That is God’s job.” God must have been busy then.. because this man never received his just due. But he would. “My life was a downward spiral until my treatment. I was awakened to the horror of it all, father. God spoke to me.” “And what did he tell you my son?” I swallowed the lump that had been building in my throat since I first sat down. “He told me that I was to be the one to pass judgment on this man. That I would have to punish this man for his sins.” Again silence. And again.. it was expected.

“What did you do then, my son?” The firmness in his voice turned to a slight tremble similar to the beginning signs of Parkinson’s. “I went to the mans place of work. I waited for the perfect opportunity to be alone with him. And then I killed him.” “...And how did you feel my son?” I didn’t know how to answer. I don’t remember what I was thinking at that point. So many thoughts and emotions were running through my mind. “I.. I honestly don’t know father.” “Do you understand that what you did was wrong?” “Yes.” I immediately answered. “Do you understand my son, that God cannot allow you into his kingdom after committing such an act?” “Yes.” I immediately answered, now with the same firmness that was originally heard in the voice of the priest I was confessing to. “Do you understand that you need to repent this sin now, in the presence of God my son?” After a brief silence I answered. “Yes... Do you understand that the man I’ve been describing to you, is YOU father!?” God is with me.

The bullet left the gun’s silencer and ripped through the partition screen with little more than a slight spitting sound. I heard the priests body slump to the floor. A sin is only a sin if the sinner is aware that he has indeed, sinned. I exited the confessional booth. Looking around, I realized how much I truly missed being in church. I went home and fixed myself some dinner. Afterwards I spent what seemed like hours in my closet, picking out the nicest suit I could find. I have a good feeling service next Sunday will be splendid.


http://www.rapflava.com/forums/cross...ut-112012.html ("Crossing the Line" by Dave E Burnout)
http://www.rapflava.com/forums/micha...er-109399.html ("Michael and the Painter")

[Mister Official]

I liked the twist.. but leading up to the twist there were some faults.. I like a twist that after you finish you can go back and everything fits into place.. in yours the man told the father "I murdered a man" which is past tense when infact he hadnt done so yet.. you could have still pulled off the whole story simply saying "I wish to kill a man" or something to that extend.. but perhaps the story was better the way you have it.. the writing was very nice.. descriptive.. like the throat build up part.. overall a nice read.. best short story i've read on the site thusfar.

[Tyrant.]

All i Gotta SAy Is Holy Shit, You Put This Together Nicely I Like The Way U lead and set up the twist and u didnt really give it away at all in the story
God Stuff Strong Keep At it

[Mister Official]

Originally Posted by TiRANT

God Stuff

word. =)

[STRONGARM]

"I murdered a man" which is past tense when infact he hadnt done so yet..

The past tense of the man's story is crucial because it not only serves to throw off the reader, since by him saying he's already killed the man you'd never suspect that he was infact there to kill the priest but also I find it more psychotic and mentally disturbing how in his mind he's ALREADY murdered his tormentor. The act itself is an afterthought and his actions following the murder show that. Who kills someone in coldblood to then go home, eat and pick out a suit for church the following week.!? Thanks for reading it.. hopefully more people will enjoy it..!

[atom]

I agree with you that the fact that he said he had already murdered him doesn't mean their is a fault with the storyline just that the killer would say whatever he wants. What i do think is a fault is that he's 14 years old and he doesn't realize he is being molested by a preacher. He's at the age where you could possible kick the preachers ass (depending on how old the preacher is)

I didn't like the story. A general tip. A story is an adventure that characters take. Your characters should be well defined. You never described the characters, surroundings, and you lacked the imagery. I didn't find them realistic. What i can tell from your stories is that you don't have very good storytelling ability and have to use the first person narrative to convey your message. You have good, witty, creative plots which MOST writers don't have but you need to work on the actual writing.

my chest like a phonix
phoenix?

You should capitalize Sunday. OH AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!

This time you split your story up with paragraphs but it helps the readers to start a new paragraph with dialogue. Sometimes I was confused to who said what especially at the end when he said "Yes... Do you understand that the man I’ve been describing to you, is YOU father!?”

Even though i didn't like the story because of the lack of character development, it was a creative plot and I like how all of your stories are short and easy to read but still provide entertainment.

[STRONGARM]

Thanks for the feed.. fixed the capitolization problems, changed phonix to phoenix (I guess I had Phonix on my mind.. lol..!).. I thought it was apparent who was speaking because the priest always uses "My son".. oh well. I disagree with the age thing because there was a kid who was molested by his little league coach when he was 13 and he gave the same description of not understanding what was going on. For most people Hitting someone touching you without your consent would be the obvious reaction but if that was the case KIDS would NEVER be molested.. which we all know is untrue since thousands of teenagers are molested every year. That particualr story was in PEOPLE magazine two months ago. So that was my rational. Again, thanks for the feed...