A man that falls in love twice a day

[Ex.Machina.]

SoundClick song info: Falls in love twice a day by brianHIPHOP - Song info page with free MP3 music downloads



Start
a riot
the size
of your name,
call it a blessing in disguise,
begging to be counted on.
Your faith has fluttered like guitar strings
with every glance
aimed at the noun
that general consensus
tells you that you're missing.
And I,
acting as you-
with no self deprivation,
can attest to the disgust that swims in your mouth
when your cheeks turn red
and you wish
that you could place a bet on this pale horse.
I’ve seen far too many lungs collapse like trees
To let your breath be wasted on me.
It would be as tragic as forgotten funerals
If your morphine lips
Were to find a home in this vacuous dementia.
I’ve gotten mean looks from angels
That spend their hours plucking romantic fantasies
From overgrown child issues,
But that aint enough to hold back a fervent warrior’s
Caring catharsis.
We fold ourselves inside out pop up books
In the hope that someone will take the time to see us for what we could be
But now there are too many possibilities of
An introspective love triangle
And not enough for a one on one with you.
A second guess turned into a first chance
when you chose to give me a few moments
of your graceful day
to let me know that it's okay to smile.
I'll oblige your delicate words,
and maybe next time I'll think of a better response
to your self indulged introduction
than,


"That's a pretty name."

[slashqiang]

good song

[avenger hope]

wow. wow wow beautiful lyrics.

your voice and how you expressed this didn't do the poem any justice.

i think if you slow down, emphasize a few words here or there. maybe unbutton your pants a little,

it would be a much better spoken word.

[Ex.Machina.]

Thank you so much for the feed, it's the first real feed I've gotten on this piece. Glad to hear some real criticism cause on most boards people sugar coat everything for me because they're afraid I'll ban them or something haha. I'm so glad you liked the poem itself, I'm still trying to get better at spokenword and it seems that every piece is a big improvement upon the last one so I hope my next one is more to your liking. Once again, thank you and bless.

[STRONGARM]

Yeah.. way too fucking fast man. Where's the fire..? hahahaha. Voice is dull.. no type of emotion.. and no type of emphasis on any one part.. you sound like kids in school that don't want to read but HAVE TO.. so they blaze through whatever part they're chosen to read. Relax. Shorten the sections up. Put as much emotion as possible into each. Spoken Word is the same as talking.. you wouldn't normally talk like that.. you wouldn't normally be void of emotion. You sound like a Robot and shit. Just be natural. Think of it like you're talking to someone about something.. if you're getting pissed, you can hear that in your tone. Same as when you're being sarcastic.. or sad. Or whatever.. basically approach this like that.. like a conversation. If you left a message on someones answering machine you don't think it would be weird if it sounded like this piece..? So that's my best advice.. poem was nice. But I agree with Ayan.. this particular track didn't do it enough justice. Keep doing your thing though man.. this booth needs as much participation as possible. Props for contributing..!


*EDIT*

Hope you enjoy this...

TWICE A DAY (REMIX)
lo-fi URL: Start Player
hi-fi URL: Start Player

[Ex.Machina.]

Yeah, I've been told that a lot of times when it comes to my spokenword. I'm still going at it hard, I'm about elevating and hope that it clicks for me soon. This was the best I could do on this poem at the moment, I actually gave it like a an insane amount of tries and this was the recording that stood out the most. It's hard for me to get into a zone or to really figure out how to convey my emotion vocally since I'm not a very loud person in general and I'm 100% calm throughout most of my day haha. I get what you guys are saying completely, I'll try to slow it down some more, and although you guys think this is bad, you should've heard some of my older pieces, I was on some bone thugs n harmony shit. That remix is raw, wish I would've had that help when I first recorded it, I think it would have helped a lot. Although it really emphasizes my apathetic voice because the beat is so heavy, still very cool. Thanks for the advice man, couldn't tell ya how much I appreciate it. I'll keep trying to drop here because believe it or not, the poetry forum I run is a hundred times more dead than this place.

[Last-Lyricists]

I didn't listen to it yet, but i read the lyrics and i felt ya man, good work man i will listen to it later and give you some more feed back but for now props, and keep it up, we need spoken word