[STRONGARM]

Spell check people.. SPELL CHECK..!

Stockholm - I liked your verse rap wise.. but for a topical it had numerous problems. the biggest: It doesn't have a point. It's a topical.. but the best topical pieces tell a story.. have a direction.. have a single thought that you expand upon.. Which I didn't feel you did. Then there's the grammer.. and odd rhyme choices. Examples...

Slide my fingers against the wood, give skin slivers
Play pool my head, & stop when I spill blood rivers
[b]"Play pool my head".!? I'm assuming you forgot the "with".. also "my blood spills rivers" would have rhymed better..![b]

Peel wood. Its blank, like the chip off the old block
I wear drop-dead fashion. No one’ll see me rock-it
Again.. just "rock" would have rhymed better.. "rock-it" throws off the rhyme.

I forced so many kicks & I decided to add a counter
I’m a cat, & still not found by dog the bounty hunter
"Counter" and "Hunter" don't rhyme..!

Rest in pieces. Cut myself. Form my legs in a seven
A lucky number, I stabbed myself at gates in heaven
No. "myself" is repeated twice with no connecting multi and the overall grammer ruins what you were trying to say..!

Shit like that can take your pieces down from ill to alright.. because people, including me, hate to decipher other peoples rhymes. If I spend more time trying to figure out what you're saying instead of soaking in your rhymes.. that's a problem. YOUR PROBLEM..! Fix it.. I guarantee you'll see an immediate result in the feedback..! Flow was steady.. not the tightest, but it was all patterned.. not long line here.. short one here...




Tirant - ...Like you have Tirant..! Fucking terrible flow/structure/presentation. Shit looks sloppy as fuck and unfortunately you suffer from the same problems as Stockholm. No real point or direction in your piece. You guys both talk about being buried alive.. both talk about trying to escape.. and then dying. Nothing really creative.. no story.. both of your directions are expected and therefore boring. You could have talked about being in the morgue.. being autopsied.. going through your funeral.. and dedicated maybe 2 to 3 bars top on the actual burial part. So we as readers feel your dilema.. understand your pain. But instead you both took the literal approach.. TOPIC: BURIED ALIVE. Ok.. here's x-amount of bars on EXACTLY that. Boring.


"Screamin for life even although knowing noone will here the sound"
should be "though" and No One is two words..!

"i seee a bright wihite light from above is all i see"
WORST.. BAR.. EVER..! ugh... Fucked up ass grammer, spelling errors.. just terrible man..!


MY VOTE = STOCKHOLM Reason - Although both had problems.. both stayed on topic, boringly so. Regardless.. the one BIG thing that separted the two was flow.. Stockholm had it.. Tirant didn't. It's that simple in a close battle like this..