[DOPE ART]

im not retro you dummy, from the get-go its funny,
im set w/ no money, criticize is ghetto and bummy
i got no furniture or luxuries and i get of pay,
n my bank accounts got less than sweat shop slaves
^good flow in the first bar, nice w/p in the 2nd

n shit im lazy as fuck my attitudes worthless,
i cant even be fucked finishing my verses
cleanings not an option when keeping it slop,
fuck cultery or a plate i eat of last weekends pizza box
truth is that laziness is a major part of me,
n my toilets clogged like a smokers atteries
^all garbage besides the last line, and it needs better wording

if u think you live in filth this mans better,
i need a main and a nanny like fran drescuer
my girls just as grimey- its a bad fact,
that the last time i cleaned up was black jack
^ha, liking the creativity

and that stack of cheddars lost as fact approaches,
that my kitchens crawling with rats and roaches/
its a sickining sight n im past that need,
having roach flash backs like last nights weed
^too simple

n as far as we go im far from slightly dishonest,
that my house is fall of creepy crawlies like a night in the forest/
i cant get rid of them so i cant win yet,
i drowned one in acid- but it turned to a mutant insect
its a long job and im short n sick of patience,
my house is covered in bugs like police survilance
^bad ending

CRIT: No story telling at all here, pretty basic and just ok minus a few nice lines.

vs

One night in Palmetto, there was a meeting in progress
A group of insects huddled on the counter, speaking in darkness
^very forced rhyming unless u speak really funny

Frank made his way down the stairs, candle in hand, trying to keep discreet
But with each step he was accompanied by squeeks and creaks
He's thinking, the maid wasn't supposed to show up til' after the dawn
Then as he entered the kitchen he felt a prick on the back of his arm
Frank acted on the reflex that travelled through his skulls and limbs
Glanced to discover one gigantic rhinocerous roach perched upon his skin..
^good story telling...basic rhyming and nothing as far as metaphors. dope imagery though

He gave a yell of surprise as it looked back at him and grinned.
After he killed the roach, peculiar sounds didn't raise any interest
Until he walked into his kitchen to discover an invasion of insects!
Frank observed open mouthed at the thousands of dominant packs
What looked to be the leader had a red spot on it's back
^nice imagery here, basic rhyming still

It saw him and said:
"Cockroaches shall rule! Goodbye, human!..." with a thunderous breath
The ceiling parted and a mechanical boot came down and crushed him to death..
^thunderous breath was a good showing of diction

PEM: rhyming was basic, flow was eh, wordplay wasn't there. story was dope, vocad was cool.

Wordplay: Crit
Flow: Crit
Metas: None
Story: Pem
Imagery: Pem
Structure: Crit
Wording: Pem by miles

VOTE: Pembroke

it was close though.